Drama Queening

[miss_s_b]

Today is a low day. Spent the morning on the phone to various benefit agencies and now feel like a dirty rotten scrounger and detest myself for not being able to stand on my own two feet.

What's happening in Belarus is disgusting, but our media are more bothered by the snow. This makes me sad.

Holly has pierced my heart - we were having a snuggle and a chat and she said I cry sometimes when I want you and you're not here - and I just felt so guilty and inadequte.

And the pain is bad today too.

My friend is going to go and pick up my sick pay for me later, and then I shall go in to the post office to pay it in and post some things. But until then, I think hiding under the duvet with a doggy hot water bottle is the best option.

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Comments

[staceyuk]

Honey you do a great job with Holly. Please don't beat yourself up. *big hugs* Most working kids wish they could be around more for their kids.

*more massive hugs*

[andrewhickey.info]

There are two types of kids - those who cry because their parents aren't there, and those who cry because they *are*. Be glad you're the right kind of parent, not upset you can't do even more.

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

Hey, you didn't ask to be unwell. And you've paid your taxes all this time precisely so that people in your situation can be supported. Don't feel bad that you need that support yourself now, and don't let it leach out and make you feel bad about other things, too.

[leoniedelt]

awww, Jennie. *huge* hugs for you.

[leoniedelt]

i would also point out that you're not a dirty rotten scounger - the system is THERE for people who are down. you're down - you're post-op and unable to work. That's what it's THERE for. If you were taking the piss, it'd be a different story, but you didnt ASK for Gideon or emergency surgery...

[miss_s_b]

Thank ou. And thank you for the other too.

[leoniedelt]

get well soon.

[burkesworks]

and now feel like a dirty rotten scrounger and detest myself for not being able to stand on my own two feet

That's what Murdoch and the Mail and the Tory twats *want* you to feel like. Don't. Hold your head high and claim whatever you can. It's your money; it's your right.

[miss_s_b]

Sometimes socialisation is hard to fight, you know?

[magister]

Absolutely. You've paid NI and tax for years. You're entitled to this - you're just claiming what's yours.

And Andrew makes a good point - the fact that Holly misses you when you're not there shows how good a mother you are. When Seamus was seven, he was seeing me once a month as his mother and I had split up and were at opposite ends of a 3 hour train journey. In short, I know what it's like to feel like a bad parent and that I'm not doing enough. It's not something you've any reason to feel though.

[miss_s_b]

Thank you sweetie.

[telegramsam]

Sorry things are so crummy for you right now. *hugs*

And don't feel bad, sometimes shit just happens. It's not like you just woke up one morning and stabbed yourself in the belly, dammit! If anyone calls you a scrounger, tell them to go fuck themselves, because you're not a scrounger just because you got sick and needed surgery.

[addyit.livejournal.com]

:-( my poor darling... you are perfectly entitled to these things. there are times i feel REALLY rotten and bad for collecting disability, then i remember how i feel on my bad days, and the hell MY system put me through and made me feel before i finally was accepted for disability.
i am, physically, NOT able to work. if i did, i would get worse and cost the system a LOT more in hospital bills. so, that's why disability/benefits are there, for us to use, whether it's temporary or not.
we're not in 3rd world countries, in Dickens, or anything of the sort. (even if we were, your friends woulds help you, as you know they would, and have done already.. because you DESERVE it). we're not going to be punished for being ill... and you certainly are NOT, because you work exceptionally hard. just because you're not well doesn't make you a scrounger in the least.
as everyone else has said: you pay a fortune in tax (i've heard tales about how much UKers pay... it astonishes me!), and you're entitled to it. if they make you feel bad, it's because they don't want you to use it. sometimes, you have to be your own advocate, step outside yourself, and acknowledge, "I need to get well, and i deserve help from my government. They offer it, and I WANT it since I've already paid for it."
it's the hardest to do when you're ill. i know. having to explain yourself, talk to people who don't know you (can't even SEE you) and judge you for needing it, and what's worse, QUESTIONING your need for it.
but you can do it. remember, it's not just for you. it's for Shrubblette, too.

[addyit.livejournal.com]

and, something you need to remember.... the people at the benefit offices? their job isn't necessarily to assess and help people.... it's to STOP people from collecting benefits. at least, that's how they do it here. if they can stop one person from collecting, that's one less set of paperwork they have to fill out.

[(Anonymous)]

Best wishes to you Jennie. I hope things get better for you. You've been through the wars recently. I hope you have a nice Christmas with your family to cheer you up!

[(Anonymous)]

That was from me - Paul Walter