Cheer Up, It Might Never Happen

[miss_s_b]

One of the things which sends me into an apoplectic fury the sort of person who says cheer up, it might never happen (without a sense of irony, anyway).

1, You don't know if it already has.
2, Even if you know it has, and you think it's nothing to get upset about, you have no right to impose your values on someone else.
3, Even if you are completely and totally right, you are NOT HELPING, you are being a cock.

I think the thing that pisses me off the most is the automatic assumption that whatever it is that's upset the person you are addressing, it can't possibly be as serious as the tiny minor dent they are putting in your day by not smiling. When you use this phrase, you are saying I don't care if your mother just died, your lack of smiling is putting a slight crimp in my day, and my day is more important than your pain, so conform to my expectations, lesser being. That might not be what you MEAN to say, but that is what you ARE saying.

When people use this phrase, or ones similar to it, it makes me want to punch them.

It's a good job I am a civilised person and unlikely to follow through on that urge.

This post has been brought to you by the letters A and T and the emotion of stabbity rage.

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Comments

[etoile]

Urgh, yes to all of it.

[ginasketch]

+1

[innerbrat]

My reaction to this phrase is so heavy that when your Twitter feed gave just the title of this post, I almost punched my computer screen.

[missdiane]

I could see how that could get you rather pissed off (though I admit that's a phrase I haven't heard around this part of the globe)

[miss_s_b]

You get random (usually) men saying it to you in the street here, especially if you are a female they consider attractive. Attractive girls are supposed to smile at men, and do their bidding, you see.

[missdiane]

Ahhhh, I get the context better now. Thank you.

Attractive girls are supposed to smile at men, and do their bidding, you see.

That did inspire in me a hearty "yeah, fuck THAT shit" response

[miss_s_b]

My usual response to that being aimed at me is It already has. Still you might leave! and THEN the Wednesday Addams smile.

Grrr!

[veganhothead]

In my experience, they just tell you (or order you) to "smile."

I don't even have to be actually frowing, but if I'm not radiating rainbows and candy they feel they have a right to impose their aesthetics on me. They never offer you a reason to smile or ask what's wrong (not that's it's any of this guy's business, I don't know him), they just live in a bubble where all females are supposed to appear docile and eager-to-please.

I've long run out of patience with these idiots so I either respond with a glare or ignore them entirely. The latter is much easier since I got my ipod.

[telegramsam]

Any sentence starting with the phrase "cheer up" is bound to be annoying.

Unless it's "Cheer up, you just won a million dollars!"

Otherwise, yea... fuck that.

[missdiane]

lol that reminds me of a phrase I saw (on a sugar packet of all things) that said "An optimist is someone that tells you to cheer up when things are going his way."

10anta

[(Anonymous)]

The question I always ask myself is - pragmatically, what good does worrying do to help solve it?

In my experience, whatever the bad thing that has happened, or which I think might be happening soon, the more I dwell on and feel sorry about it, the worse I actually feel.

My practice therefore is to move on to something better and stop deliberately making myself more miserable.

Re: 10anta

[davegodfrey]

This is surprisingly difficult. I'm glad you're able to "move on to something better", but most of us find the Bad Thing rarely goes away, and in many cases it is utterly inevitable. And as noted when its already happened you can't change it. Also worrying is not the same as being distressed, depressed or otherwise not particularly cheerful about the Bad Thing or its effects.

[(Anonymous)]

You don't like it when people try to cheer you up because they should allow you to dwell on your misery?

Obviously if you're i a lot of pain emotional or otherwise and somebody suggests you 'Cheer up', that won't help much, but the sentiment is admirable.

Anyway, I'm going to keep on suggesting my friends cheer up when they seem down.

[bagpuss]

telling people cheer up it might never happen is rarely going to actually cheer anyone up though just annoy them

[magister]

Your friends have my sympathy.

[miss_s_b]

Because a person should be allowed to own their own emotions. The sentiment is NOT admirable, because it means you are imposing YOUR mores on your friends.

Still, given how clearly I stated that in the entry, and you're still blithely ignoring it and assuming you must be right anyway, you're a prime example of the sort of person who behaves like this, so no amount of trying to persuade you that you are a thoughtless sod will work.

Like James says, your friends have my sympathy.

(frozen)

[(Anonymous)]

Pot, kettle, no?

(frozen)

[magister]

Not really, no. If someone's down, try engaging with them, rather than just telling them to stop being down. Makes sense to me.

(frozen)

[(Anonymous)]

You don't find telling people what not to do because you don't like bing told what not to do is even a teensy bit hypocritical?

Only to me it's a huge hypocrisy.

(frozen)

[magister]

Okay - my point of view on this. My emotional state is my business. It is not aimed at you and neither you nor anyone else has the right to tell me how to feel.
You telling me to cheer up is a different matter, as you speaking to me is deliberately aimed at me. I therefore have the right to ask you not to say certain things and to explain why I'd rather you didn't.

(frozen)

[(Anonymous)]

Yet you believe you have the right to tell people what to say or what to think?

Free speech only applies to you, is it?

(frozen)

[miss_s_b]

Nobody is saying anybody ought to be banned from saying anything; they're just informing you of the consequences should you do so. IF you say twattish things THEN people will correctly infer that you atre a twat. You are perfectly within your rights to continue being a twat if you wish to, but don't be surprised if people get upset/dislike you/avoid you.

I continue to be astounded by the number of people whom, when given advice that would help them to behave in their own interests, get all offended and start bleating about censorship.

Oh yeah, and word to the wise. I've had enough of your trolling now, and your IP address is now going to be barred. If you want to carry on you'll have to get a new one. Just so you know.

[pseudomonas]

If you genuinely want someone to be less upset, giving them an order to be so is a shit way of helping them.

[telegramsam]

"As one who takes away a garment in cold weather, or vinegar on soda, so is one who sings songs to a heavy heart."

[drunkwriter]

I get this a lot, and must just look naturally miserable, because usually I'm just thinking my own thoughts in more or less neutral gear. It's intrusive and irritating, but it doesn't get me as riled as:

"Everything happens for a reason."

I'll gloss over the way it irks me as an atheist, but it's also such a facile unthinking reaction to someone sharing news of their pain. Nothing says better: "I have barely listened to a word you've said. Let's get back to me."

[telegramsam]

Atheists aren't the only ones who get irritated at that "everything happens for a reason" line, and it's equally dismissive, annoying brother "God has a plan".

Even within the context of Christian theology (I can't comment on other religions), it's not actually a legitimate statement when used in that manner. It's a lazy cop-out that is exactly what you said it is - a cheap platitutde intended to brush off somebody else's concerns and needs when what should be offered is aid or at least genuine compassion if help is not possible.

It's just flat-out lazy, no matter who it is coming from...

[el_staplador]

This, so much this.