Aspie?

[miss_s_b]

We had a meeting today with Holly's teacher. Holly's teacher thinks she is somewhere on The Spectrum, towards the high-functioning aspie end, and wanted to get our permission to put her forward to the SEN lady. The examples that Kelly gave of stuff that Holly does which are aspie-ish were stuff that I do, and mostly that my dad does too, which I thought of as harmless eccentricities or personality quirks.

Anyway, permission was gladly given, and (me being me) I came home and googled and started reading up on female-presenting autism spectrum disorders.

And I saw myself.

Over and over.

One page had a list of signs and symptoms four columns wide and I got to half way down the fourth column before I found one that didn't apply to me.

My first thought: well, Freddie SAID that pretty much everybody falls somewhere on the spectrum, I'm just proving her right.

The fourth column, incidentally, was all about the social problems people on the spectrum have. I don't have most of these. But then, the reason I don't have most of these is because my dad is a biology teacher, and my partner for ten years did a degree in psychology, and between them they have lots of books about body language and the rules of social interaction and non-verbal communication and stuff like that, and when I was kid B.G. (before Google) my first instinct if I didn't get something was to read books about it. I see body language and non-verbal cues because I studied them.

Anyway, at some point soon both Hol and I are going to be going to see our GP. At that point we shall see what is to be done.

Comments

[matgb]

I see body language and non-verbal cues because I studied them.

Coping mechanisms. Dad had a few pop-psych books, like Manwatchign, when I was a kid, and I suspect readign that sort of thing, which I did, definitely helped me figure things out better.

[miss_s_b]

I suspect you might be right.

[magister]

Love you both.

[miss_s_b]

<3

[freddiefraggles]

Of course I'm right. I'm always right. Except for when redhillian is more right.

[miss_s_b]

* hug *

Love you.

[leoniedelt]

Having TWO girls on the spectrum, having married a man on the spectrum, and having identified a lot about myself that is spectrumy, i can send condolences.

Life isnt over, by any means. But it must be said girls present differently than boys, in literature and in real life. Recognition of the spectrum-ness and pre-planning for it at school is VITAL - especially when it comes to bullies.

If there is ANYTHING i can do to help, info, reassurance, anything, let me know. R has a diagnosis and a statement of SEN. B has a diagnosis and we're going through the statement process right now. There isnt much shit they can throw at you that i havent been through.

From your GP you need a referral to a developmental paed, preferably at a local Child Development Centre, or CAMHS.

[miss_s_b]

Thank you.

[andrewhickey.info]

I'd be astonished if you weren't at least somewhat Asperger's - you certainly present as Asperger's.

But I don't think that's something that anything needs to be done about. Many/most of your friends (at least the ones I know) also present as having Asperger's (people with it tend to enjoy spending time with other Asperger's people). I certainly have it. And as far as I'm concerned, it's not an illness (and even if it was, it's uncurable). It *is* just a set of 'harmless eccentricities and personality quirks'.

So don't worry if Holly turns out to have Asperger's - any more than you should worry if you have it - it's just another way of being. However, you should be aware that it often comes with comorbid symptoms, so she might be more at risk of mental illness and stress-related illnesses in future, she might have various food sensitivities (which would just look like her being picky), she might grow up quite clumsy and so on.

I'm sure you're aware of all this really, but it can still be a shock to discover that your child has something that gets described as a disability. Just remember, though, that Asperger's is far closer to, say, being bisexual than to what we normally think of as being a disability - it's a set of differences that tend to correlate with each other, and which are an intrinsic part of someone's personality, and which will only harm them to the extent that there is social prejudice against those differences.

[miss_s_b]

Yes, thank you, all this is very close to what I had been thinking anyway, but it's nice to have it articulated by someone who is Always Right :)

This might sound odd, but I'm not thinking of a formal diagnosis for myself because it would particularly help me; I know enough people who are on the spectrum, and have enough research skills, that I suspect I would probably be able to be more help to myself and Hol than your average GP. I'm thinking of it because it might make things easier for Holly; if she is diagnosed with this new strange thing on her own then it's maybe going to be harder than if mummy has it too.

Incidentally, when I told her we might have to go to the doctor about it, her first response was (in fascinated tones) to ask "will the doctor want to look at my braaaaaaain?"

[innerbrat]

Are we supposed to be offering condolences? It hadn't occurred to me before checking the comments.

Anyway, good luck with the appointment. I hope that if any of Holly's behaviours are causing stress for herself and those around her, that they are dealt with in a way that minimises that stress.

If you're looking for interesting blogs on the subject, I have just been pointed to http://autismsedges.blogspot.com - and as The Spectrum (gosh, I mislike that term, but I also find it amusing) is on schedule to be Learned About this evening, I may send some links your way if you are interested.

[miss_s_b]

Not after condolences, no. I have never found being a-typical something to mourn.

Issues at school seem to revolve around other kids of her age not understanding her; her teacher is awesome though, and very willing to help. I think everything will be OK. And, you know, she is my Holly and I adore her, and I will do everything in my power to make this OK.

Thank you for the parcel, by the way. I think I tweeted at you but I might have forgotten. She DEVOURED the book.

[staceyuk]

*grins* She'll be fine. She has you. TBH I think I am borderline female aspergers myself. Doubt I will get a formal diagnosis though.

[miss_s_b]

"She'll be fine. She has you"

This made me cry. Thank you.

[(Anonymous)]

I've emailed.

Andrew is spot on with his comments.

All the best,

Liberal Neil.

[ginasketch]

I'm pretty sure I fall somewhere on the spectrum but would rather not pursue it due to the fact that I already have a list of things wrong with me that is a mile long.:/ Definitely worth checking Holly out though.

[karohemd]

The same reason I'm unwilling to do an IQ test. I like to think I'm reasonably intelligent so any outcome would be disappointing, a low one because I think I'm better and a high one because then I'd be angry/sad I haven't achieved more.

[karohemd]

If you're an Aspie then so am I. There are few things I'm reasonably good at but quite a few I'm rubbish at alhough I should have a reasonable grasp on them. I find it very hard to get out of the routines I'm in etc.

As you well know this is not something that will be in the way of Holly achieving her goals but having a proper diagnosis can't hurt so you know what aspects to keep an eye on.

[andrewducker]

Good luck with getting a diagnosis, either positive or negative. You seem to have precisely the right attitude, which is that it won't define you, but it might help you understand yourself a bit better.

[magister]

That's exactly how I saw finding my son was Aspie - it didn't change him in the slightest, but it meant I was better able to know what support he might need.

[guerabella]

*hugs* <3

[magister]

Thank you. :)

[gominokouhai]

It's a spectrum and therefore everyone is on it, to some degree or other. At some point along the spectrum, it crosses a line beyond which we consider people non-pathological. Beyond that line it's not a medical condition to be treated, although the sufferer might still be quite weird.

As I understand it, the spectrum goes: autism -> mild autism -> aspergers -> mild aspergers -> | -> nerd -> geek -> "normal" person

(with specific definitions of some terms upon which I shall expand on request).

You're a geek and so is Holly. So am I. You're highly intelligent and you have slight social deficit. If you're anything like me, you counteract the social deficit by using your intelligence to compensate for the things which, apparently, some other people do naturally.

(I think those other people are probably faking it too---they're just maybe better at hiding it than I am.)

Asperger's is the disorder du jour amongst medical practitioners and there's a tendency to overdiagnose, so don't let them give you any drugs unless you're absolutely sure of it yourself. And if you're seeing yourself in the descriptions of a mental disorder, particularly a spectrum disorder, then that just means that you're reading DSM-IV for the first time.

Everybody has it. The question is how well you (or Hol) cope with it, and whether or not you need help.

Hugs to you both.

[freddiefraggles]

It's like someone more eloquent came along and voiced my thoughts. Hooray!

[telegramsam]

"harmless eccentricities or personality quirks."

Quite a lot of what is being pathologized these days is EXACTLY that. Because of course everybody is supposed to be exactly the same and have the exact same set of skills & strengths and nobody is allowed to vary in the slightest or it's a "disorder" HMPH.

(Frankly I think Aspergers is the new ADD - when I was growing up in the late 80's/early 90's, every somewhat "difficult" kid in a classroom would get tagged with ADD if they even SLIGHTLY resembled a description of it. Several of my own elementary school teachers told my mother I had it and should be put on medication or I'd never succeed in life. My mother told them to take a flying leap. I still managed to finish school and get a bachelor's degree so yea. Do what YOU think is best for your child and tell the teachers to suck it up and deal with the fact that children do not come off a factory assembly line).

[chess]

I find it quite irritating that Aspergers' has become percieved as 'the new ADD', because it means that the people who really _need_ support with it get what they need the least, more belittling and being told it is just them and they are just rubbish, instead of support and understanding that some of the stuff that comes naturally to other people they're going to have to work at...

[curlywhirly]

I have some very "spectrum-y" (blergh) symptoms too... I think everyone does to a degree, its the impact it has on your life and functioning that determine whether a diagnosis is needed/wanted. I'm thinking of you both as you figure it out.

I will STRONGLY recommend the book All Cats Have Asperger's Syndrome (http://www.amazon.com/All-Cats-Have-Asperger-Syndrome/dp/1843104814) - which is currently sitting on my coffee table. It might be a good resource to bring into Holly's classroom and share with her teachers and classmates - a beautiful book, and an accessible way to describe some of the issues with being an Aspie/having Asperger's (language choice depending, I suppose, on whether you define yourself by the "disorder" or not). If you can't get it over there, I'll happily send you a copy.

<3 xxx

[thepotterblogger.blogspot.com]

Well, like many of the people commenting, I myself have Asperger Syndrome. I was diagnosed at the age of nine so I was fortunate enough to have it recognised.

Admittedly, I'm at the high end of a high end but I wouldn't say it's anything to worry about. Watching out for bullying is important as, in my experience, social skills normally lag behind one's peers, but, assuming you still have access to books on body language and social skills, then that should be enough in that regard as long as you encourage Holly to read them and to socialise occasionally.

Of course I'm sure the world and his mother are inundating you with advice at the moment so all I can say is that, from someone who was in the same position as Holly, I don't think it's been an impediment to my life and I'm sure Holly won't find it an impediment either.

[nwhyte.livejournal.com]

Been there one or twice, as you know. Having a label helps in some ways. Though really not all that many; life goes on as it did before!

[rmc28]

My baby brother was diagnosed with Being On The Spectrum at around three years old, and this became an Asperger's diagnosis a few years later (I'm a bit hazy on details because I was a teenager and went off to university when he was not quite 7).

Anyway, he's now 22 and thriving at university himself.

[sevenhelz]

yeah, having to work the rules out from first principle, rather than grokking them from interacting with other people. i get that.

[purplecthulhu]

I suspect most of the people I know are on the spectrum at some level, including myself. Such a classification (I won't call it a diagnosis for many of the reasons others have mentioned) is a pointer that some things will be more difficult for H than other people, but probably not disablingly difficult. But she may well also find other things easier than other people.

You've sorted out how to cope with all this on your own, so H is already well ahead of the game.

And remember, places like the one I work at probably wouldn't exist without those of us on the spectrum.