What's Your Expendables Character Name?

[miss_s_b]

The Expendables 2 is coming out soon, and James and I have been looking forward to it as a guilty pleasure. We're both fans of cheesy over the top action movies, and they don't come much cheesier than The Expendables. And yes, I know it's cliched and sexist and racially stereotyped and problematic in many other ways... But I still really enjoyed it.

We were talking about the names of the characters, and they are (hopefully intentionally) cheesy too. I mean, Jean Claude Van Damnation is playing "Jean Vilain" - John the Villain. And the others are stuff like Toll Road and Ben Christmas and Trent Mauser. So we figured we could start a meme: what is YOUR Expendables name?

If you're male, and have English as your first language:

• your first name is the river nearest the place you were born


• your surname is the holiday nearest the date of your birth.


• This makes James Trent Summer, because the long holidays between academic years ARE known as The Summer Holidays, and being more specific makes him Trent August Bank Holiday. Or possibly Trent Harvest Festival. Similarly, Mat is Dart Summer.

If you are male, but have English as a second language, or don't speak English at all, your Expendables name MUST be an EITHER aspect of your character "foreignised" (like Jean Vilain), OR a horrible play on some stereotype about your nationality/ethnicity (Jet Li's character Yin Yang)

If you're female:

• Girls only get one name in The Expendables, because no woman is important enought to deserve a surname, and to find out what it is you have to decide if you're going to be a Token Female Action Hero or a Love Interest


• if you're a Token Female Action Hero you get the river thing that the boys get for first name - This makes me Colne.


• if you're a Love Interest you must name yourself after a descriptor which applies to your underwear (c.f Charisma Carpenter's "character" Lacy). If I was a love interest I would be Skimpy

What about you lot?

Comments

[missdiane]

*snort*

SO like Ren and Stimpy!

[miss_s_b]

Except we'd eat Powdered Toast Man...

[missdiane]

*sporfle*

Well DUH