Chris Chibnall: a rant

[miss_s_b]

Why in the name of Cthulhu's seasalt-ridden knackers do the people in charge of Doctor Who keep employing this hack? I just watched the first webisode of Pond Life, which is the BBC's attempt to get us Who fans into even more of a froth of excitement about the new series than we already are. The problem is, they've let Chibnall write it.

So, it's stuffed full of stuff that's been done before, Sontarans, Fireballs, DJ Doctor, yadda yadda yadda. And then there's one original idea. And because this is Chibnall, we know what that original idea is going to involve, don't we?

The Doctor is toasting crumpets. Mata Hari walks in. We don't see her face. We don't need to see her face, you see, because she's an object, not a human being. She's there to be the set-up to a "joke", nothing more. She doesn't say anything. She takes her clothes off. The Doctor's crumpet fork rises in a "humorous" allusion to erection. A crumpet fork that has a crumpet on the end of, much like his knob is going to soon. Ha ha. Because Mata Hari is crumpet. You see what Chibnall did there?

It's misogynist, objectifying, heteronormative claptrap, and I'm sick of it. And of the first five episodes of the new series, two of them are written by Chibnall. I'm not having a good feeling in my water about that.

Comments

[sir_guinglain]

This is, of course, a man who reinvented himself from besuited teenage critic of The Trial of a Time Lord, to a man who wrote plays about football and worked on new laddism, and whose writing has depended on following other people's styles with occasional caricatures. So what we see now is hardly surprising.

I fear the Chibnall-promotion (he let slip in the last DWM that he had to turn down a third episode this series) is leading somewhere we do not want to contemplate, but have had to.

[miss_s_b]

James and I read your comment together, looked at each other, and said "they can't seriously be thinking of having him take over from Moffatt?" at each other.

I'd rather have Rusty AND Tennant AND Soppy!Rose* back.

* as opposed to Awesome!Rose as she was with Nine.

[sir_guinglain]

The problem is that Chibnall has the best all-round credentials, and they are getting better with his new detective series for ITV. The absence of a coherent signature vision in his work is not going to be a problem for those commissioning. There's certainly a charm offensive underway on his behalf.

[magister]

Not Gatiss? Sherlock has certainly been a tad successful. And you'd think if Moffat has any say in his successor, Gatiss'd be in with a chance.

[sir_guinglain]

It's possible, but he's not as much of an all-rounder as Chibnall, who has more experience of television production, particularly in the all-important American sphere. Admittedly, Sherlock has improved Gatiss's ratings... and additionally, would he want to give up his multi-faceted career to let Doctor Who take over?

The other candidate in the frame must be Toby Whithouse.

[magister]

Well, Moffat's doing at least two more years. I think Being Human finishes after the next series, so we can hope for Whithouse...

[andrewhickey.info]

I honestly think that they *are* going for Chibnall as next show-runner. Just look at the latest DWM, with Moffat going on about what a 'genius' Chibnall is. Gatiss has never had sole responsibility for a TV show in that way...

[miss_s_b]

If that happens, I'll stop watching. I did it before with Tennant and I can do it again.

[andrewhickey.info]

Same here. I'm not far from quitting anyway -- if I weren't writing the pieces for the Mindless Ones about the new series, I'd probably not bother.

[miss_s_b]

But he DOES have a coherent signature vision. He's a misogynistic wankstain.

[sir_guinglain]

I think it's a compliment to call that a vision!

[magister]

Okay, so Danny Dyer as the 12th Doctor?

[sir_guinglain]

I've seen that predicted before. I am probably happy not being familiar with this particular thespian's work.

[http://www.nickbarlow.com/blog/]

‘a saucy caper involving a Tardis full of hooky gear’
http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/arts-entertainment/danny-dyer-to-star-as-dr-who-201111164546

I heard from someone I trust with decent contacts that Whithouse is in line to take over...but that was last year, and who knows what things might have changed since then.

[magister]

Well, it's Chibnall. Sadly. What have we had previously?

42 - it was all the woman's fault, but fortunately she agrees and kills herself.

The Silurian episodes - it was all the women's fault. Everything. The men are nice though, even the one who experiments on people without anaesthetic. And that's probably the women's fault too.

Torchwood series 1.

Day One - it's all Gwen's fault. And Owen harasses her sexually. He has his reasons. Look, it'll all become clear.

Cyberwoman - the Earth is threatened by a cyberTellytubby fetish whore in a tin foil bikini. But it's okay, cause Owen has time to harass Gwen sexually.

Countrycide - if you sexually harass someone enough, they'll sleep with you eventually.

End of Days - Owen nearly dooms the world andit's all because Gwen dumped him. So it's her fault.

Torchwood series 2 - Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - bisexuals. You can't trust them.
Adrift - Gwen! Know your place! Look, that nice mother's all sad now and it's all Gwen's fault.

Fragments - Aw. Owen has man pain. His girlfriend selfishly died. That's why he's a creepy rapist. I said there was a reason. You may now forgive him.

Exit Wounds - Tosh - know your place. You may be dying, but don't let Owen know, cause he's dying too and he's more important.

[miss_s_b]

Oh man, fabulous pithy summaries there.

[ginasketch]

This is making me glad I never really got into Who fandom.

[andrewhickey.info]

Pre-2005 Who was never that misogynist, even when script-edited by Terrance "the proper place for a woman is tied to the train-tracks" Dicks. It's something that's only really happened in the Welsh series and its spin-offs.

[blazingskies]

At least Uncle Terrance had the (partial) excuse of age and upbringing on his side. The New Series, and especially bloody Chibnall has no excuse. At all.

[drunkwriter]

Well, apart from being exposed to Uncle Tewwance's vision as a child, of course.

[djm4]

Also, lest we forget, in the Silurian episodes, they have a woman prisoner tied up. To put her at ease and gain her trust, the Doctor - the Doctor, our identification figure and the moral core of the show - removes an item of her clothing and tells her she's beautiful. *shudder*

[magister]

I forgot to mention - also Tosh falls in love with him, because - erm, because, no it'll come to me in a minute, no, don't tell me - oh yeah, because she's a woman and he's a man and it's right, dammit.

[(Anonymous)]

You're aware of what Mata Hari did for a living, yes?

& the way it was filmed would have been entirely down to the director, not Chibbers. Just sayin'.

~ L

[miss_s_b]

Yes.

You get hold of the script. I bet you a tenner that crumpet "gag" is in there, complete with erection reference. But yes, the framing of the shots is down to the director.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry but you really need to chill out. It was a tiny scene, not meant to be sexisr at all.

Was it needed? Probably not but if you're offended over something this minor - well says more about you than Chibnall to be honest.

[miss_s_b]

If it was one occurrence in one episode then I'd probably agree with you, but EVERY episode Chibnall writes has something like this in - see the list James has handily produced above. It's not a single instance, it's a pattern.

Perhaps you're right that it's not meant to be sexist. But 'not meant to be' does not mean 'isn't'.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm honestly having a hard time figuring out if this is a serious rant. It's just so ridiculously overblown.

I can't understand how one could get so angry about a light-hearted 50-second skit. There's no time to develop ANYTHING in that time, never mind give a nuanced portrayal of Mata Hari. And, as someone else pointed out, her taking her clothes off isn't exactly a stretch. What about the guy eating pasta in part 5? He wasn't a rounded developed character, he was just there for a cheap Italian joke! Chibnall is a racist!

And yes, I get that there are misogynistic readings to take from some of the episodes he's written... But this, the straw the breaks the camel's back? Really?

Oh well, to each their own.
- Gemma

[miss_s_b]

No, the camel's back got broken a long time ago. Was there really any need for Mata Hari to be there at all? No, the only reason she was there is that he has to have some sexist bollocks, be it a "joke" or not, in every single episode he writes, even if it IS only 50 seconds long.

I'm not angry about one 50 second skit. I'm angry about a constant, unwavering stream of sexism from Chibnall, that this is just one small piece of.