Things I have learned today via the magic of Stallone

- Chuck Norris is harder than all the other Expendables AND all the baddies without even trying.
- Chuck Norris is SO hard he can steal Clint Eastwood's theme tune and nobody tells him off.
- The Governator still can't act, and is looking pretty scrawny these days.
- a film can always be improved by the addition of MOAR ACTION HEROES.
- Jet Li does a great Jackie Chan impression if you make enough saucepans available to him
- Jean Claude Van Damme's party piece flying kick would lose him both bollocks and a kidney if he tried it in an ACTUAL fight, it's so slow.
- The best expendable in terms of all round fight skill, brains, and versatility... is the girl.

I enjoyed the Expendables 2 very much. Because, lets face it, if I'm GOING to watch a film that doesn't even try to pass the Bechdel test it might as well be one with enormous explosions and so much testosterone you practically grow bollocks just being in a room where it's showing. It was silly and cheesy and over the top and utterly, utterly hilarious, and I recommend it thoroughly.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

Today, everything is frustrating. There are THINGS and STUFF that are IMPORTANT and everybody else seems to be concentrating on things that are not important* and it's WRONG and people are making stupid facile blog posts** and even Alan Rickman can't make tea properly*** and we're still living in a shitey unfair world and I want to blow things up.

I blame hearing lots of news stories about that tosser Assange after having watched an explodey film yesterday.

---

* like putative cabinet reshuffles and other Westminster Bubble bollocks
** like this one
*** see tomorrow's linkspam