|ext_27838 (norfolkian.livejournal.com) wrote in miss_s_b,|
I don't read much fanfic, just because the concept generally doesn't appeal to me, but as much as I know about it, this seems pretty good for the fic genre. I particularly like the way you have merged two of your fandoms in this way. :) It was readable and dramatic with a great twist at the end and it made me giggle in lots of places.
One thing I would say is that I had trouble picturing the scenes in my head (possibly to do with my poor-concentration and therefore lack of engagement, though), but perhaps a little more description of the settings, etc. might not go amiss? It's a difficult balance to get right though, I know. Also, it's best not to repeat words/phrases within a short space of time if you can possibly avoid it (I'm thinking specifically of where in the penultimate section you used, "for the sake of decency" in rapid succession) - unless of course the repetition is there specifically for emphasis.
Hope that's helpful. On the whole you seem to be rather good at this fic thing. ;)
I would suggest showing this to Rose too, as she knows much more about writing creatively than I do.