Thanks you guys

Wednesday, February 25th, 2009 10:34 pm
miss_s_b: (Default)
[personal profile] miss_s_b
I have been letting things get on top of me, I guess.

I'm still kind of shaken about nan's death, and Shrubby's issues with Scott at school, and the house, and the money situation, and work, and the upcoming conference and of course, it's February, and... Well, lots of stuff. Lots of stuff stressing me out, and I'm not getting time to destress.

And then last night and this morning Mat and I had a silly argument and, like Casey said, fighting with Mat made me have flashbacks to stuff that I KNOW Mat would never do to me and... Well, it wasn't pretty. And I've done a bit of damage to my hand which hampered work a bit. But I'll be fine.

Mat and I have worked out a way of getting me some winding down time to myself, and he has been incredibly supportive and wonderful in general, and I wouldn't have got through today without him being calm and gentle and amazing. I feel terribly guilty and ashamed for what I have put him through today. I don't deserve the kind of love he has lavished on me, I really don't.

I also want to thank all of you for being supportive and lovely. And I'm sorry for worrying you. I shall endeavour to not let things get this bad again.

* snuggles for you all *
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Date: Wednesday, February 25th, 2009 11:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pickwick.livejournal.com
*snuggles you back*

Glad you're feeling better :) And try not to feel guilty, because how you instinctively react to things is Not Your Fault. (Which means you can't help feeling guilty, I know. Vicious circle. Argh.)

Date: Wednesday, February 25th, 2009 11:07 pm (UTC)
ext_17640: (Default)
From: [identity profile] shishmish.livejournal.com
*glomps you and doesn't let go*

Life can be a bitch sometimes, and throw things at you all at once. But it goes to show, even though you broke down a little because of it all, your still determinded to make things work and not go down without a fight.

And you do deserve it; everyone has bad moments in their lives when it comes to the ones they love, but that doesn't mean you should instantly think you're not deserving. Now go get some rest and you time ♥

Date: Wednesday, February 25th, 2009 11:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] karohemd.livejournal.com
Glad you're seeing more clearly now.

Date: Wednesday, February 25th, 2009 11:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ponygirl72.livejournal.com
Just because bad things have happened to you, and sometimes you lose control because of it, that doesn't mean you don't deserve a wonderful man who loves you and treats you the way men should treat women.

It's easy to get into a place where your negative perceptions of yourself and your life are not in line with the positive reality that those around you can see perfectly clearly. When they tell you good things about yourself, they're not always just doing it to try to cheer you up or make you feel better. They may be telling the objective truth.

Voice of experience speaking, here, in case you're wondering. And, as I well know, untangling the jumble between perception and reality can be a real mindfuck, which results in even more loss of control on a short-term basis. It's worth trying to do, though (preferably with professional help-- I certainly wouldn't have wanted to try it on my own).

Date: Wednesday, February 25th, 2009 11:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] miss-s-b.livejournal.com
I just feel awful for making him suffer needlessly for something which is not his fault. He's such a good man.

But yeah, I need to get my head into calm waters. Hopefully I shall make a start on that tonight.

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] andrewhickey.livejournal.com - Date: Thursday, February 26th, 2009 08:01 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: Wednesday, February 25th, 2009 11:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] davegodfrey.livejournal.com
*hugs* Glad your feeling better.

Date: Wednesday, February 25th, 2009 11:45 pm (UTC)

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] ginasketch.livejournal.com - Date: Thursday, February 26th, 2009 10:27 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: Thursday, February 26th, 2009 12:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hollybeenc.livejournal.com
Was just starting on my back-read to finally come out of the shadows and saw this... I don't know what all is going on, yet (eyes back read list), but you're in my thoughts. *hugs*

Date: Thursday, February 26th, 2009 12:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] miss-s-b.livejournal.com
* hugs back *

Ah, I am just having a crazy time at the minute and it's made me go a bit bonkers. I'll be fine.

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] hollybeenc.livejournal.com - Date: Thursday, February 26th, 2009 12:50 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: Thursday, February 26th, 2009 05:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] veganhothead.livejournal.com
Aw sweetie, you are human. We sometimes put those we love through the wringer (I know I did that to Rob and Mel with my depression). We don't mean to, but the shit that has happened to us in the past will rear its ugly head at the most inopportune times. But most of the time you're a lovely, amazing person and Mat knows it.

*hugs*

And winding down time is good.

Date: Thursday, February 26th, 2009 07:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lessien-c.livejournal.com
*snuggle*

Date: Thursday, February 26th, 2009 07:48 am (UTC)

Date: Thursday, February 26th, 2009 08:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fwuffydragon.livejournal.com
*sends hugs and cake*

Date: Thursday, February 26th, 2009 08:03 am (UTC)
djm4: (Default)
From: [personal profile] djm4
I don't deserve the kind of love he has lavished on me, I really don't.

I have learned - and it took me a while - to let the ones that love me be the judges of that. I recommend you do the same. *hugs*

Date: Thursday, February 26th, 2009 09:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] moviegrrl.livejournal.com
IAWTC

{{{hugs}}}

Date: Thursday, February 26th, 2009 08:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] minnesattva.livejournal.com
Yay for Mat. And your friends :) And for having a Plan to destress; it's very important and sometimes has to be explicitly arranged, especially when you have so much stressful stuff going on, as you point out.

But none of this "I don't deserve this," because deserve doesn't come into it. :) We have the friends and relationships we do, and probably none of us deserve what we get in some way or another, but it doesn't matter. We get what we get anyway, and it's not as if Mat's there against his will. :) You are great, and clearly you are good for him.

Date: Thursday, February 26th, 2009 08:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blackredcrimson.livejournal.com
I'm glad you're feeling better and have worked out ways to cope/deal with certain situations. I hope you continue to feel better and you can work through things, step by step, without it becoming overwhelming for you. *hugs*

Date: Thursday, February 26th, 2009 09:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pmoodie.livejournal.com
I'm glad you're feeling better about things.

But I always twitch when you start that "I don't deserve" mantra of yours...

You're a good person and you dserve love as much as any of us. But really, no-one deserves anything, good or bad. There's no cosmic score-card. Stuff just happens and we all have to make the best of it, and be as nice to each other as possible in the process.

Date: Thursday, February 26th, 2009 10:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ginasketch.livejournal.com
*hugs* We all have bad days.

Date: Thursday, February 26th, 2009 10:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rhythmaning.livejournal.com
Snuggles appreciated! Even at 11am...

Go Mat!

Date: Thursday, February 26th, 2009 11:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/dimmy_/
If you can snatch two spare hours then I would suggest watching the new Clint Eastwood film, Gran Torino, which I reviewed on Tuesday and which is very, very good indeed.

It also made me laugh and was wonderful for de-stressing.

Date: Thursday, February 26th, 2009 01:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tar-miriel.livejournal.com
Your recent gyrations clearly are a rough patch. I don't doubt for a nanosecond that you're entirely deserving of Mat's support and affection :-)

Date: Thursday, February 26th, 2009 01:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gaeriwitch.livejournal.com
Just backreading.

I am very glad you are feeling better today, but really, stop saying you don't deserve the good things that happen to you. The people that love you are not stupid and know very well why it is they love you. I think you are a loveable person indeed.

*huggles*

Date: Thursday, February 26th, 2009 01:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] staceyuk.livejournal.com
Ditto. *hug*

Date: Thursday, February 26th, 2009 07:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] susanne-est-moi.livejournal.com
I do hope things are better for you soon. I must say, I'm very impressed that you hold yourself together so marvelously well. I can barely handle a difficult assignment and a sad episode on television before I'm curled up in the fetal position bawling.

With all the stresses in your life, I think you do an AMAZING job at balancing the good things and the hard things and the upset times. O'course, I wish for you no hard things or upset times, but more realistically, I know that you're strong enough to get through the worst of it and will be better for it.

<3

Date: Thursday, February 26th, 2009 07:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] miss-s-b.livejournal.com
Thank you *hug*

Date: Thursday, February 26th, 2009 07:39 pm (UTC)

Date: Friday, February 27th, 2009 07:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] padawanpooh.livejournal.com
I've only just seen this (curse you, RL!) - *HUGGLES*

Date: Wednesday, February 25th, 2009 11:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pickwick.livejournal.com
*snuggles you back*

Glad you're feeling better :) And try not to feel guilty, because how you instinctively react to things is Not Your Fault. (Which means you can't help feeling guilty, I know. Vicious circle. Argh.)

Date: Wednesday, February 25th, 2009 11:07 pm (UTC)
ext_17640: (Default)
From: [identity profile] shishmish.livejournal.com
*glomps you and doesn't let go*

Life can be a bitch sometimes, and throw things at you all at once. But it goes to show, even though you broke down a little because of it all, your still determinded to make things work and not go down without a fight.

And you do deserve it; everyone has bad moments in their lives when it comes to the ones they love, but that doesn't mean you should instantly think you're not deserving. Now go get some rest and you time ♥

Date: Wednesday, February 25th, 2009 11:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] karohemd.livejournal.com
Glad you're seeing more clearly now.
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