If you could have your perfect episode of Doctor Who, what would it be like?
I've written a lot of Doctor Who fic in my time, and there are certain things that are headcanon to me. Thus Doris is Benton, and the Used Car Salesman thing is just a cover, and Doris was there holding the Brig's hand when he died, and is with him in CyberBrig heaven. Mickey and Six had loads of adventures together when Mickey was in the alternate universe, because two unfairly maligned characters, etc etc. Also, at some point Six and River have had a massive, curl-shaking row. So any perfect episode wouldn't contradict any of that. I think we can categorise the elements that would make up my perfect episode of Who thusly: The essential things, which are are all actually possible:
It'd have no plot holes.
It'd have good gender balance yet not make a big song and dance about it.
It'd have sparkling dialogue.
It'd have the right balance between funny and scary and tearjerking.
It'd have bits in to make old fans go squee that don't make new fans go "wut?".
It'd be just familiar enough to be Doctor Who but original enough to surprise me.
(all of the above have happened in this most recent series, but not consistently, and never all of them in the same episode)The still technically possible but less likely things...
It'd have a bit on Gallifrey where Colin would have a speaking part as Maxil, who has lived for thousands and thousands of years, even as the Doctor who borrowed his face has gone through several regenerations. This would be all poignant.
It'd be directed by Graeme Harper.
The post-credit twist would be the revelation that the high priestess of the Sisterhood of Karn is a future incarnation of the Doctor.And then the totally impossible things:
It'd be multi-doctor, and would have at least one lady Doctor, but preferably several (Joanna Lovely and Arabella Weir could return, but Helen Mirren would be ace). Helen Mirren Doctor and Colin Doctor would start off very huffy with each other but grudgingly respect each other by the end.
Colin would not be unfairly skated over in favour of Tom, and would be allowed to wear what he wanted.
It'd have all my favourite characters in - Suranne Jones!Tardis, Barbara, Jamie and Zoe, the Brig, Liz Shaw, Leela, Peri, The Inquisitor, Uncle Davros (but only if he's played by Terry Molloy), Morgaine, at least 3 incarnations of Missy/The Master, Omega (original, not fifth-era, at least as far as costume goes), Don Warrington!Rassilon - and some new ones that I can't even conceive of, but would be just as ace as those. It'd therefore have to be quite long, and you'd need the services of a good necromancer for some of those to appear.
Some of the awesome new characters would be played by Vincent Price, Cousin Di, Sheila Keith, Christopher Lee, Hedy Lamarr and Grace Kelly.
It'd be co-written by Mary Shelley and Sally Wainwright, and script edited by Douglas Adams and Bob Holmes.
has just suggested a plotline which I thoroughly approve of:
All of the different incarnations of the Master (Delgado, Beevers Crispy-face, Diana Rigg, Ainley, Derek Jacobi, Sheila Keith, Sir Lee, Vinny P, Boris Karloff, Angelina Jolie, Charles Dance, Charles Grey, Beard-of-Evil Leonard Nimoy, etc.) gang up with each other to kill Simm!Master because he's an embarrassment and that's how we get Michelle Gomez who all the others declare to be perfectly suitable. The method of killing Simm!Master involves a great long chase through space and time and lots of doctors' stories, and a ridiculously overcomplicated plot... which would actually succeed.
You can tell that I'm a person who actually liked
The Five Doctors, can't you? Oh yes, it'd have to have the Raston Warrior Robot in as well. Or even several of them. Anyway, I suspect that this is an episode of Doctor Who which would please me, and probably a few other people, but lots of others would hate it. And in the end, that
would be what made it the perfect episode of Doctor Who; because no episode can be a perfect episode unless it completely divides fan opinion.
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