Space Burial

Saturday, March 28th, 2015 12:00 am
[syndicated profile] what_if_feed

Posted by xkcd

Space Burial

I've often joked I'd like to have my remains put into orbit. Not in a "scatter my ashes" sense, but, like, "throw my naked corpse out the airlock" sense. Honestly, my main motivation is to baffle someone in the distant future, but it's an interesting scientific question: what would happen to my body in orbit over the course of years, decades or centuries?

—Tim in Fremont

This isn't really relevant, but I have to ask: Is there a reason you specifically wanted your corpse to be naked? Just making things extra weird for the technicians loading up the capsule and/or throwing you out of the airlock?

If you tried this, the first thing that would happen to your corpse would be that it would dry out. This would probably start before you made it to space; the dry, climate-controlled air in the pre-launch waiting area would help draw moisture from your body.

In the Manual of Forensic Taphonomy, Franklin Damann and David Carter outline the process of human decomposition. According to them, it takes a lot of effort to keep corpses from drying out during the embalming process.[1]The citation they give for that fact is "(C. A. Wacker, pers. comm.)," which I like to think means it was shared in a conversation that totally broke up the dinner party they were both at. In extremely dry environments like the Atacama Desert in Chile, "spontaneous mummification" can occur—and space is even drier than Chile.[2]The space tourism industry has not adopted this as a slogan. Also, "Chile: Not as Dry as Space!" was probably nixed by the Chilean tourism board.

Once your body made it to space, this process would ramp up quickly. Most of the "ecology" responsible for decomposing your corpse would be killed off quickly by the drying process (along with the lack of oxygen, temperature swings, and solar radiation levels), so your body wouldn't decay very much. Instead, you'd become a freeze-dried mummy, after losing about 80% of your body weight in water.[3]This is how much liquid you can remove from fresh animal tissue, according to lab experiments reported in Arthur C. Aufderheide's book The Scientific Study of Mummies. That makes sense; after all, according to that commonly-repeated piece of trivia, human bodies are around 70% water.

Or is it 65%? Or 80%? The exact number is a little vague, and seems to depend on who you ask. In a footnote in her wonderful book, Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers, writer Mary Roach mentioned that she had methodically Googled the phrase "human body is <X> percent water", for X from 0 to 100. She reported a wide range of claims, including several pages asserting that we're 98% water. It's really gratifying to know I'm not the only person who spends a lot of time carefully cataloging weird stuff like that.

What happens next depends on exactly where in space you are.

If you're in an orbit that passes near the Earth, your orbit will quickly decay, and before long you'll re-enter the atmosphere and burn up.

If you're in a slightly higher orbit, you'll last longer, but you'd also be in the zone where space debris was thickest. Impacts with small bits of debris would start to leave pits and scars on your surface; they would often find these on Space Shuttle windows after a flight. Eventually, probably after a few decades, you'd probably have a violent collision with something.

Higher orbits are safer. If you were some distance away from the Earth, near where geosynchronous satellites orbit, there would be less debris to run into. Furthermore, for large, dense objects, orbits out there are stable for a very long time. You could spend centuries drifting among TV broadcast satellites.

If you wanted to last even longer, you could launch yourself away from Earth completely, finding a quiet and stable orbit somewhere in interplanetary space. There, over the course of millennia, you'd be slowly baked by the Sun's radiation and pitted and powdered by micrometeorites.

But if your goal is to weird out future space travelers, that might not be the best plan. Space is big; if someone randomly stumbles on your corpse, it suggests that there must be a lot of people zipping around the solar system. And if space travel has become that common, there will be lots of corpses floating around;[4]Weird that "lots of corpses floating around" is somehow an optimistic prediction about the future of space travel. discovering yours will be more archaeologically exciting than anything. You'll be stuck in a lab or museum somewhere and contribute to someone's research paper—a bland end to your exciting prank.

Unless, of course, you happen to be found by the only people in space even weirder than you.

#whynotjointhelabourparty

Saturday, March 28th, 2015 05:50 pm
[syndicated profile] whatyoucangetawaywit_feed

Posted by Nick

After all, they’re a modern, progressive and liberal party, the party of the metropolitan elite, the one with all the forward-thinking ideas. A truly internationalist party you might say, one that looks outward to the world and has a positive attitude towards it…

They’re also the party that will sell you this:
Pledge_4_Mug_-_Controls_On_Immigration
I wonder how many Ed Miliband’s bought for his family?

JSP Special Issue on Miscarriage

Saturday, March 28th, 2015 04:02 pm
[syndicated profile] feministphilosophers_feed

Posted by jennysaul

There’s an awesome new special issue of the Journal of Social Philosophy on Miscarriage, edited by the ever-fabulous Kate Norlock– such an important, but such a neglected topic. And it’s open access, thanks to funds from Trent University’s Drain Chair!!  Check it out.  Or read a bit more about first if you like.


[syndicated profile] tim_worstall_forbes_feed

Posted by Tim Worstall

Wikileaks has released a version of the investment chapter in the Trans-Pacific Partnership Agreement, the trade treaty under discussion at present. As a result the usual suspects are up in arms about the denial of democracy, the selling out of the law to corporate interests and all the usual malarkey. All most puzzling as the actual intention of this part of this treaty is to ensure that governments have to live up to the laws and contracts that they, as governments, sign up to. And that really is it. The mechanism by which this is done is that any arguments or cases where there’s a decision to be made about whether the government has lived up to what it said it will do are decided outside of the court systems controlled by that government. As someone who has, at the personal level, done substantial work in the sort of countries where this would be important it sounds like a great idea to me. And as a matter of public policy it sounds like a great idea that a trade treaty should contain such protections for investors.

What really confuses is people I regard as normally being reasonably level headed near losing their minds over this. I don’t cover tech in the way I used to so I was unaware that Cory Doctorow is on very much the wrong side of this:

The Investment Chapter highlights the intent of the TPP negotiating parties, led by the United States, to increase the power of global corporations by creating a supra-national court, or tribunal, where foreign firms can “sue” states and obtain taxpayer compensation for “expected future profits”. These investor-state dispute settlement (ISDS) tribunals are designed to overrule the national court systems. ISDS tribunals introduce a mechanism by which multinational corporations can force governments to pay compensation if the tribunal states that a country’s laws or policies affect the company’s claimed future profits. In return, states hope that multinationals will invest more. Similar mechanisms have already been used. For example, US tobacco company Phillip Morris used one such tribunal to sue Australia (June 2011 – ongoing) for mandating plain packaging of tobacco products on public health grounds; and by the oil giant Chevron against Ecuador in an attempt to evade a multi-billion-dollar compensation ruling for polluting the environment.

Yes, Chevron has used this sort of treaty provision in that case with Ecuador. And this is a perfect example of why such treaty provisions are so useful: if not essential. Doctorow is there actually quoting Julian Assange which is perhaps why that quote manages to get this entirely the wrong way around. But it confuses even when it’s Assange himself saying such things. Wikileaks has shown us that certain governments are, at certain times, lying hounds. But as soon as we come to matters of economic governance they’re pure as the driven snow? What?

For here’s what has actually happened in that Chevron and Ecuador case. Yes, yes, there’s lots of accusations one way and the other but a rough outline seems to be that the Ecuadorean court that Chevron was dragged before was, how shall we put this, less respectful of the full evidence than we might hope for? For we have at least one other court declaring that the plaintiffs had actually been writing parts of the supposedly expert and neutral evidence. And again, at least one non-Ecuadorean court finding that “corrupt means” had been used to gain the original verdict in the Ecuadorean courts.

Please note that I’m not arguing that Chevron did or did not pollute the area in which they drilled for oil. Nor that they shouldn’t clean it up if they did, or that it was right or wrong for Ecuador to sign off that Chevron owed no more in this matter (or whether such a sign off happened, or is legal if it did). My argument is much simpler than that. Given what we know has been happening in this case who is going to trust the Ecuadorean courts on this matter? Quite: thus it all needs to be decided by some non-Ecuadorean legal system. Which is exactly what is happening under the investment chapter of the trade agreement which covers this matter, with arbitration running through The Hague.

So, far, from this Chevron case being an example of the terrors to which TTIP will subject the world it’s an example of why we actually want such investor protections. Because if the government controls the courts and the government is also the actor changing the law then we really might not want those courts to be deciding upon who should be compensated over changes in the law.

We can pick another example as well: anyone want to ask Bill Browder about how lovely it is to have the Russian courts ruling on his cases in Russia?

Investors deserve and need protection from government. And when in a foreign country we need that protection to come from some judicial system that is not under the control of said government.

Think of it this way for a moment. Here in Europe we’ve got the European Court of Human Rights in Strasbourg. This is part of the Council of Europe, not the European Union. And the basic contention of the entire system is that we cannot, not always at least, trust the governments of the nation states to properly protect the human rights of the citizenry. We thus have a legal system outside, and above, those national systems to ensure that such human rights are fully protected. All that the investment chapter in TTIP is doing is creating a similar system for the economic rights of investors in foreign countries. If your argument is that you’ve been done over by the local government then you probably don’t want your case about it being run through the local courts presumably under the control of that local government.

Thus the inclusion in a trade deal: because it will increase the willingness of investors to invest if such provisions exist. So why are so many people arguing against it all so strongly? Especially when almost all of the criticism is coming from the left, those who would defend the supra-national nature of human rights unconditionally.

Just One Thing (28 March 2015)

Saturday, March 28th, 2015 04:16 pm
nanila: nellie kim is awesome (purple nellie)
[personal profile] nanila posting in [community profile] awesomeers
It's challenge time!

Comment with Just One Thing you've accomplished in the last 24 hours or so. It doesn't have to be a hard thing, or even a thing that you think is particularly awesome. Just a thing that you did.

Feel free to share more than one thing if you're feeling particularly accomplished!

Extra credit: find someone in the comments and give them props for what they achieved!

Nothing is too big, too small, too strange or too cryptic. And in case you'd rather do this in private, anonymous comments are screened. I will only unscreen if you ask me to.

Go!

Nothing wrong with small corners

Saturday, March 28th, 2015 03:49 pm
oursin: The Delphic Sibyl from the Sistine Chapel (Delphic sibyl)
[personal profile] oursin

Fascinating thoughtful post by [personal profile] silveradept on the performativity element of social media.

One of the thoughts I had on this was finding one's niche, and that maybe not everybody wants a massive cadre of followers as opposed to a discriminating and engaged rather smaller number. Some people want to address a rally, and others prefer a cosy salon-type conversation. There's a place for both.

Which resonates for me with a whole lot of thoughts around the Big Popular Success and the Enduring If Perhaps Somewhat Cult. And that it depends what sort of success you want (though one does hears of Big Bestsellers whingeing that they don't get srs critical attention, and Litcrit Darlings wishing they were actually megasellers...). If one looks at those lists of the bestsellers of whatever year there will probably be 1, 2, maybe even 3 titles that one has heard of, and the rest lost in the mists of history. While there will probably be some book published in the same year that was not on those lists but is still in print or at least still read and loved.*

(Contemporaries' predictions were usually wide of the mark, as with whoever it was - can it have been Henry James? - who thought that the works of Hugh Walpole [who he**] were for the ages but PG Wodehouse was ephemeral trivia.)

This latched on, for me, with a piece into today's Guardian Weekend about failure, which evoked the thought that, really, there is gradation and a scale and there is such a thing as modest success and moderate ambition.

My website does not get huge numbers of hits, but it gets a steady stream of interest as one of the go-to sites for the topics it covers. And this is quite enough for me, really. It does what it does.

*Antonia Forest wrote relatively little compared to Enid Blyton or Angela Brazil, and I doubt any of her books were ever massive bestsellers, but we can see from the discussions on [livejournal.com profile] trennels that she has a devoted and engaged following who will make significant efforts to get hold of her books.

**I do in fact know who he was, and have even read some of his works - bogged down in The Herries Chronicles when I was 13 and never returned, read Jeremy at Crale - but among his contemporaries he's rather overshadowed. Is anything of his still in print?

snowflake bookmark

Saturday, March 28th, 2015 11:57 am
kate_nepveu: sleeping cat carved in brown wood (Default)
[personal profile] kate_nepveu

I finished this snowflake bookmark a while ago, but haven't got around to editing the pictures until now.

I modified this pattern from Kincavel Krosses to make it shorter—and as you can see, it's still really too big for all but hardcovers:

[Image: bookmark over open copy of Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell]

I could've left the border off, but I was stitching without a hoop or frame for the first time and I was having so much fun—so fast when you're doing whole stitches!—that I kind of didn't want to stop. SteelyKid saw it as a WIP and demanded it, and she doesn't care if it's flopping out of her books, so it's fine, but yeah, I have no idea why the original design is so long and still purportedly a bookmark.

details and more pictures )

So that's that. And experimenting with stitching the hand went great—I didn't even have to think about the tension in the stitches, it just came naturally. Works less with for things with lots of quarter stitches, a.k.a. the knotwork bookmark I'm finishing now, but OMG fast on whole stitches. I'm a convert.

(If anyone wants, I can give them the edited image file I used for the pattern, because shortening it means moving the interior slightly to center it.)

(Also posted to [livejournal.com profile] cross_stitch.)

[syndicated profile] captainawkward_feed

Posted by JenniferP

Stinkor from He-Man, a humanoid skunk in an orange costume.

This is Stinkor, from He-Man. What would the action figure for Clingor look like?

Dear Captain Awkward:

My partner has told me that he is afraid that he’s boring and that he has an irrational fear that my ‘self-improvement’ means I will leave him for somebody “more exciting”.

A few years ago I was feeling really down, and during that period I decided to really work on myself by changing my lifestyle. I took up a sport, started eating better and got involved in my community. Now I can hardly imagine life before – the improvement in my life and moods has been significant.

It is now to the point where he’s jealous if I have too engaging a conversation with one of his friends, and has insisted that he comes along to anything I do that runs the risk of me so much as talking to men who aren’t related to me. I find this behaviour anywhere from irritating to suffocating.

I am not sure where this fear of his has come from, I don’t think I’m just ignoring my boyfriend and getting annoyed when he wants to spend time with me. I think the problem is that he has low self-esteem and that this feeling of low self-worth has turned into a fear that I’ll leave. In the past he has said he likes me because I ‘make [his] boring life interesting’, which I find extremely concerning. To me it sounds a lot like ‘I am making you responsible for making my life interesting’. Perhaps that is a harsh assessment, but I am frustrated that he has enough free time to latch on to my plans, but apparently not enough to go find something to do by himself.

He is a great guy when he’s not being gnawed on by the hounds of insecurity, but I cannot carry on like this – I don’t have a problem with telling him where I’m going or who I’m with, but sometimes I just want to do things without having to justify why I want to be alone. I am at a loss – what can I do? I’ve suggested therapy and a hobby, but he doesn’t seem to understand that his attempts at keeping me close are pushing me away.

Thanks,
Pushed not pulled

Screen shot from the horror film It Follows. A girl in a hallway looks back and sees an old woman in a hospital gown striding toward her.

If a person’s behavior reminds me of the movie It Follows, it is not good.

Dear Pushed Not Pulled:

There is a way, short of instantly blowing up the relationship, that you can test whether your partner is in fact a great guy and whether this has the potential to change. Next time you are making plans, shape the discussion like this.

You: “Hey, Partner, I’m going to hobby tomorrow night, so I’m not free then. But can we have dinner Monday? Howabout 7:00 pm?

Partner: “Can I come?” or whatever his usual schtick is.

You: “No, I want to go alone. I’ll see you Monday.

No elaboration, no apology, no reassurance, no negotiation. Just state the facts of how you plan to use your time, without inviting him, and tell him when you will see him next.

Partner: SEPARATION ANXIETY CYCLE: ENGAGE

You: Do not engage with any accusations he makes, like, “You just want to break up with me” or “You just want to go hang out with your REAL INTERESTING MUCH BETTER boyfriend” or “You are tired of me,” “I knew this would happen,” etc. Arguing the merits just sucks you into engaging with this on his terms. What matters is that you want to go by yourself and that you don’t want to negotiate about it. Keep sight of that, and try something like this to respond:

1)Validate the feelings themselves, don’t deny them or their severity. “That must feel absolutely awful, and I am sorry you are having these feelings.

2) Show that you take the feelings absolutely seriously.Monday I think we should try to make an appointment for you to see someone about this. I’ve got some names/numbers and we’ll work on it then, ok?”

3) Then set the boundary.I love you, but I am not up for going through this cycle with you today. I am going to go home now, I will text you tomorrow, and I will see you Monday.

Then leave. Leave the conversation, leave the building. Detach. Disengage. Go to the movies. Turn off your phone. Try not to respond to anything until your planned contact. If you absolutely must respond to something try a script like “Partner, I know the feelings you are having are very scary, but your behavior toward me is not reasonable. I want you to take these feelings you are experiencing absolutely seriously, so please please call (hotline*, therapist, friend) and talk it through with someone who can really help you.” Repeat it like a robot.

Listen, nobody likes being referred to a helpline instead of getting their sweet, sweet attention from you. Chances are he will treat it like a patronizing, insulting request and make you try to feel horribly guilty about it. Watch especially for the “why should I talk to some stranger when I can just talk to my girlfriend” fallacy. WTF are you supposed to do? Chain your life to his irrational fears? You can not be his 24-7 carer, and you cannot treat this problem. He is making your life smaller with his unreasonable demands.

Text him when you said you would. Ignore him otherwise.

Go to the thing by yourself.

See him Monday.

“No,” is a complete sentence.

Can you do it?

Will he let you? Will he show up at the thing even though you asked him not to? Will he call you 10,000 times? Will he harm himself in some way and blame it on you? Do you have this sinking feeling as you read all of this, knowing that “There’s no way that will work…” or “I can’t…“?

Can your relationship survive you saying “No?”

If he can comfort himself and recognize that these are his problems to deal with, and if he can actively seek and participate in getting help, and most importantly, if he can stop his controlling and jealous behavior toward you, maybe you’ve got something. If you can’t say “no” to him without dread and consequences, then this is already dead. I’m sorry.

Clingor The Clingarian’s controlling behavior likely springs from a wellspring of deep, actual pain and fear of abandonment. Lots of abusive and controlling men have real emotional and psychological problems that could use the help of a compassionate professional somewhere along the way. The problem is that instead of getting help, they take the misogyny cure and decide the solution for their sad feelings can be found by closely monitoring the woman in their life and making sure she never leaves or does anything that threatens their fragile sense of well-being. Their emotional problems/sad life history becomes a way for them to beat themselves up and receive comfort from her (You’ll probably leave me because I’m so boring) and guilt her into staying (But what will poor fragile me do without you?).

The constant “I’m afraid you’ll break up with me/You’ll probably break up with me” gambit is particularly hard to take. Someone acting like he is acting deserves to be dumped, not because he’s “boring” or because you’ll find someone more “interesting” but because he is suffocating you with his jealousy and need to be by your side at all times. He’s typecasting you in the present as the heartless mean woman who will break his heart by leaving someday, which manipulates you into the position of having to reassure him that you aren’t that person. Every time you have to do this dance, a piece of the love and trust between you breaks off and crumbles.

As sure as I am that his anxiety is real, I am also sure that this is not your problem to solve for him. He’s already crossed over into manipulating and controlling you and while he may cross back out of doing that at some point in the future after getting some help, this relationship is already compromised and I don’t think you should stick around to see if that happens. Fortunately you are seeing his behavior for what it is (annoying, suffocating) and not asking us what you did to your poor boyfriend to make him so sad, but the longer you stay the more precarious that self-preservation instinct becomes. There is no amount of You-ness, no amount of You-compliance, no amount of keeping his eyes ever on you that can ever fill the abyss inside of him. You’re not going to break up with him because you meet someone more generically interesting, you’re going to break up with him the day you snap and say “YOU’RE NOT MY DOG, DUDE, QUIT FOLLOWING ME.”

The 1969 poster for Salesman, by the Maysles Brothers, with a graphic of Jesus holding two suitcases and walking confidently toward the viewer.

“We can have you in a shiny new breakup TODAY!”
Also, RIP, Albert Maysles, genius and mensch.

I feel like a cheesy breakup salesman here when I say, that day can be today!

Script: “Hey, boyfriend, I am breaking up with you. Not for someone ‘more interesting,’ as you keep accusing me, but because your clingy behavior is making me so unhappy. I hope you will get some help, and I hope you will find a way to like yourself, but I can’t like you enough for both of us, and I’m done. To make this a truly clean break, I think we should go no contact for at least a few months while we heal, so I’d ask you to not contact me until I reach out to you.

I realize there might be some logistical and emotional things to work out before you deliver that news. I also think there is some logistical planning that goes into the delivery itself. It needs to go down in a place you can easily leave, you should have already smuggled everything you care about out of his place and have all of his stuff ready to give back to him (this guy will bug you forever for that sock that fell down behind your couch because it’s a way to get you to talk to him and for him to feel aggrieved), you should have a friend or family member on standby to pick you up, you should not stay at your place that night or for the next few nights for when he drops by, and you’re gonna need to filter his email messages to a special folder that bypasses your inbox, mute/hide and possibly even block him on social media, and probably not look at your phone for a couple of days as the threats (including maybe suicide threats) roll in. And you’re going to have to emotionally prepare yourself to answer zero communications from him going forward, no matter how much he begs. Also, make sure you each have your own transport to and from the breakup site. Especially do not get into a car with him after you break up with him.

Does that sound harsh and extreme? He’s already displaying stalker tendencies and you haven’t left him yet. The most dangerous time in relationship with a controlling man is when the woman decides to leave. It’s often when emotional manipulation first turns into physical violence. I hope with all my heart that I am wrong, and I hope with all my heart that he won’t do anything to you, but I think you need to be prepared and make sure that you can be safe and cared for and not open to the constant stream of harassment and demands for emotional caretaking that leaving him is likely to unleash.

Paul Spector follows Stella Gibson down a hallway.

Paul Spector, from The Fall, is “Mr. Sensitive” writ terrifying. I love that they cast the same actor as Christian Grey, our other Pop Culture Abuser du Jour.

If you haven’t read it, I recommend the book Why Does He Do That? Inside The Minds of Abusive And Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft. In one chapters he writes brief profiles of types of abusers he’s seen. Your dude sounds like he has elements of “Mr. Sensitive” about him. I’ve excerpted that passage here, and bolded some parts I think are interesting.

MR. SENSITIVE

Mr. Sensitive appears to be the diametric opposite of the Drill Sergeant. He is soft-spoken, gentle, and supportive—when he isn’t being abusive. He loves the language of feelings, openly sharing his insecurities, his fears, and his emotional injuries. He hugs other men. He may speak out about the absurdity of war or the need for men to get in touch with their feminine side. Perhaps he attends a men’s group or goes on men’s retreats. Often he has participated extensively in therapy or twelve-step programs, or reads all the big self-help books, so he speaks the language of popular psychology and introspection. His vocabulary is sprinkled with jargon like developing closeness, working out our issues, and facing up to hard things about myself.He presents himself to women as an ally in the struggle against sex-role limitations. To some women, he seems like a dream come true.

So what’s wrong with this picture? Nothing obvious yet. But this is exactly the problem: Mr. Sensitive wraps himself in one of the most persuasive covers a man can have. If you start to feel chronically mistreated by him, you are likely to assume that something is wrong with you, and if you complain about him to other people, they may think you must be spoiled: You have the New Age man, what more do you want?

The following dynamics are typical of a relationship with Mr. Sensitive and may help explain your feeling that something has gone awry:

1. You seem to be hurting his feelings constantly, though you aren’t sure why, and he expects your attention to be focused endlessly on his emotional injuries. If you are in a bad mood one day and say something unfair or insensitive, it won’t be enough for you to give him a sincere apology and accept responsibility. He’ll go on and on about it, expecting you to grovel as if you had treated him with profound cruelty. (Notice the twist here: This is just what an abuser accuses his partner of doing to him, when all she is really looking for is a heartfelt I’m sorry.)

2. When your feelings are hurt, on the other hand, he will insist on brushing over it quickly. He may give you a stream of pop-psychology language (Just let the feelings go through you, don’t hold on to them so much, or It’s all in the attitude you take toward life, or No one can hurt you unless you let them) to substitute for genuine support for your feelings, especially if you are upset about something he did. None of these philosophies applies when you upset him, however.

3. With the passing of time, he increasingly casts the blame on to you for anything he is dissatisfied with in his own life; your burden of guilt keeps growing.

4. He starts to exhibit a mean side that no one else ever sees and may even become threatening or intimidating.

Mr. Sensitive has the potential to turn physically frightening, as any style of abuser can, no matter how much he may preach nonviolence. After an aggressive incident, he will speak of his actions as anger rather than as abuse, as though there were no difference between the two. He blames his assaultive behavior on you or on his emotional issues, saying that his feelings were so deeply wounded that he had no other choice…

This gentle man style of abuser tends to be highly self-centered and demanding of emotional catering. He may not be the man who has a fit because dinner is late but rather erupts because of some way his partner failed to sacrifice her own needs or interests to keep him content. He plays up how fragile he is to divert attention from the swath of destruction he leaves behind him.

The central attitudes driving Mr. Sensitive are:

• I’m against the macho men, so I couldn’t be abusive.

• As long as I use a lot of psychobabble, no one is going to believe that I am mistreating you.

• I can control you by analyzing how your mind and emotions work, and what your issues are from childhood.

• I can get inside your head whether you want me there or not.

• Nothing in the world is more important than my feelings.

• Women should be grateful to me for not being like those other men.

 

Is that description completely off-base? I hope so, for your sake, but I think y’all are teetering on the edge of something terrible. He is using his sad feelings to control, bind, and manipulate you. He won’t necessarily cross over into being violent or abusive, but he’s flirting with that the way you are most certainly not flirting with every dude who crosses your path. I hope he gets the help he needs someday, but forgive me for hoping that he does all of that far away from you.

 

*In the USA, try Nami.org at 1-800-950-6264, in the UK try Anxiety UK  at 08444 775 774 or NoPanic.org at 0844 967 4848. I found these by searching for “separation anxiety” and “helpline,” so apply as necessary for your location.


Novel Completion Queries, Day Thirteen

Saturday, March 28th, 2015 02:54 pm
[syndicated profile] scalziwhatever_feed

Posted by John Scalzi

Is the novel finished? NO

Today’s question: Name a product brand (or two) that you are not entirely rationally attached to. This is usually expressed is a rivalry (Coke vs. Pepsi, XBox vs. PlayStation) but doesn’t have to be.

My answer: I think Coke Zero is obvious, so I’ll mention a less known one: I have a difficult time buying jeans that aren’t from Levi’s, simply because when I was a kid, they were the brand, as opposed to Lee (for the urban cowboys), Wranglers (dude, who even wore those) or the various “designer jeans” which at the time were targeted more at the women’s market anyway. Nowadays there are all sorts of hipster alternatives for jeans, but I stick with the Levi’s.

Fun fact: I was in Walmart the other day picking up socks and underwear for my trip and decided I should get a new pair of jeans too, but Walmart doesn’t stock Levi’s — but it does stock “Signature by Levi Strauss,” i.e., “the brand that Levi’s makes for downmarket stores that Levi’s wouldn’t otherwise be in” (Lee and Wrangler, I’ll note, were amply represented by their lead brands). And I was all, whatever, dudes, and bought a pair.

Your brand?


(no subject)

Saturday, March 28th, 2015 03:08 pm
naath: (Default)
[personal profile] naath
Died on this day in 1884 aged 30 Prince Leopold (my toy,wikipedia). Child of Queen Victoria. He suffered from haemophilia, and died of it just before the birth of his second child.

Born on this day in 1785 to Duke Franz of Saxe-Coburg-Saalfeld and Countess Aughusta of Ebersdorf, Prince Ferdinand of Saxe-Coburg-Saalfeld (my toy,wikipedia). Uncle of Queen Victoria (her mother's brother). Started out Saxe-Coburg-Saalfeld but later Saxe-Coburg-Gotha after some territory was swapped (woo! German names, so... complicated).

(no subject)

Saturday, March 28th, 2015 11:06 am
the_rck: figure perched in a tree with barren branches (Default)
[personal profile] the_rck
I wrote about a paragraph yesterday before I got distracted looking for a good English-Latin dictionary to help me come up with ideas for spells. The Harry Potter spells aren't exactly straight up Latin, but that's closer than anything else, so it seems like the right place to start. I ended up on a website from Notre Dame that seems fairly useful. It suggests multiple words for each English word I put in.

Scott was scheduled to work at 3 a.m. today. He was sure he wouldn't be needed, so he stayed up until nearly 10, but when he tried calling in to see if they needed him, nobody answered. He had to drive all the way to work to find out that they didn't need him. Apparently the supervisor on the shift had forgotten to carry the phone and hadn't thought to call Scott to let him know that he wasn't needed.

I slept poorly last night. I was a bit sniffly, but I don't think that was it. I just couldn't seem to find a comfortable position, and all of Scott's up and down didn't help.

Cordelia leaves for that Girl Scout thing in about ten minutes. She had to put together a lunch for it. She wasn't happy about that because she had no idea what to put in it. They're going earlier than originally planned because there are some demonstrations that the mother who's driving wants to try to attend.

Cordelia had fun bowling last night. Scott and I ate leftovers and just kind of sat around. I'm pretty sure he was playing some sort of game on his laptop, possibly Sentinels of the Multiverse, but he might have been working on the write up he's been trying to do about magic in his FATE game.

Cordelia's rewatching Avatar the Last Airbender. I guess she ran out of competitive cooking shows on Netflix. There are worse things she could be watching. She's up to the introduction of the Kiyoshi warriors.

My left ankle is still complaining. I'm not sure what to do about it. It's not particularly bad, but I don't think it's promising. I'm also finding that sitting in one position for hours and hours is very uncomfortable. My options are kind of limited by how large the boot is and by my desire to keep using my laptop.

Cordelia's teachers haven't gotten back to me about Expo, but I don't really see any way I can go. Cordelia tells me that, instead of demonstrations where I might be able to sit, there will be tables that people are expected to walk around to see the projects. I really can't do that. I just hope that Cordelia can attend even if I can't.

dream theater

Saturday, March 28th, 2015 09:36 am
fox: my left eye.  "ceci n'est pas une fox." (Default)
[personal profile] fox
I dreamed I was in Some Primarily Muslim City with a tour group. (It was never obvious in the context of the dream what city this was - not that I've ever been to such a place in real life, so I wouldn't recognize it waking anyway.) I've been awake long enough that the details are a little fuzzy, but at one point something about my training in linguistics was really interesting to the tour guide; at another point, I'd been separated from the group and had to find my way to Pier 6, which was somehow miles away from where I was (at something like Pier 3, because this part of the city was apparently built in what remained of a really giant amphitheater or stadium and the neighborhoods were named after the points around the circle? or something?). I got lost a couple of times and a man (a policeman? a sidewalk cart vendor? something?) tipped a little kid to show me the way to where I was going. Finally I met up with [personal profile] sanj and another couple of people from the group, who were pleased to see I hadn't gone completely missing. As we were crossing the street to get to our next destination, we could see the tops of the buildings in the old part of the city - lots of minarets and mosques, and we wished we could go see them, but I at least was only wearing a knee-length skirt, so even granting that I'd have covered my head, I couldn't go into the mosques with bare legs. (NB I don't have any idea if this is true. I know head-covering is a given, but I have no idea about the relative standards of modesty expected -a- in different kinds of mosques and -b- of non-Muslim visitors. But in the dream it was totally obvious to me that I wasn't dressed appropriately.)

Done

Saturday, March 28th, 2015 01:28 pm
ceb: (Default)
[personal profile] ceb posting in [community profile] qec
* washed shower curtains
* washed plastic recycling
* replied to council elections letter

Coming Back in April (new seasons)

Saturday, March 28th, 2015 02:16 pm
ninetydegrees: Drawing: a girl's pale face, with a yellow and green stripe over her right eye (Default)
[personal profile] ninetydegrees posting in [community profile] tv_talk

April 2

April 3

  • Derek (Netflix) - Special and final episode (already aired in the UK in December)

April 5

April 9

April 12

April 13

April 17

  • Bitten (Syfy) - Season 2 US premiere (the season is being broadcast on Space in Canada)

April 18

Genuinely love how not cool grandma is with this

Saturday, March 28th, 2015 12:22 pm
[syndicated profile] joshreadscomics_feed

Posted by Josh

Support this site's full-text RSS feed by buying Kathryn Lance's Pandora's Promise (The Pandora's Trilogy Book 3)

Kathryn Lance, aka longtime Comics Curmudgeon reader The Divine O'F, has completed her sci-fi trilogy with Pandora's Promise. R.L. Stine calls it "A beautifully-written combination of tribal violence, human and animal friendships, and a startling look at our possible future." Check it out!

(What's the deal with these links? Click here for info.)

***

Apartment 3-G, 3/28/15

I guess I’ve sort of resigned myself to the notion that Apartment 3-G is now a perpetually vague dreamscape where odd things blandly happen for no particular reason and subject no human logic. Anyway, is Margo’s ex-boyfriend Greg still James Bond? Is Eon Productions starting production of the next Bond film without announcing the lead actor, even to his co-stars? Will Bond just be inserted into the movie in post-production, via the same advanced green-screen technology that allowed the Owen Wilson-voiced Marmaduke to hit William H. Macy in the nuts, twice? Has Skyler just answered a Craigslist ad for a “Bond movie” that will turn out to be a porn shoot? Stay tuned!

Pluggers, 3/28/15

Wait, is a wrinkle mustache just when your upper lip gets so wrinkly it looks mustache-y? Does this only happen to pluggers? Or do only plugger grandchildren dare to be so rude to their elders?

Mark Trail, 3/28/15

Oh wow so you think big government is going to take care of our beetle problem, huh? NO THANKS LIB!!!!!!!!

This post, "Genuinely love how not cool grandma is with this", originally appeared on The Comics Curmudgeon, which is the best blog on the Internet.

Ads by Project Wonderful! Your ad could be here, right now.

Um... spring?

Saturday, March 28th, 2015 08:56 am
gaudior: (Default)
[personal profile] gaudior
Is there more snow? Since thou dost give me pains,
Let me remember thee what thou hast promised,
Which is not yet performed me.

I mean, seriously, dude.

--R

Reading: Hostage, Rachel Manija Brown and Sherwood Smith

New Shows (March 31 - April 10)

Saturday, March 28th, 2015 01:44 pm
ninetydegrees: Painting: a girl's eye, looking at you (watching)
[personal profile] ninetydegrees posting in [community profile] tv_talk

Read more... )

  • Younger premieres on March 31 on TV Land.

Read more... )

  • Olympus premieres on April 2 on Syfy.

Read more... )

Read more... )

Read more... )

Read more... )

Read more... )

  • The Comedians premieres on April 5 on FX. It is an adaptation of the Swedish series Ulveson And Herngren.

Read more... )

Read more... )

About This Blog

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Hello! I'm Jennie (known to many as SB, due to my handle, or The Yorksher Gob because of my old blog's name). This blog is my public face; click here for a list of all the other places you can find me on t'interwebs.






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