miss_s_b: (Mood: Mad as a flibble)
So channel 4 did Psychopath Night, and put up a test on their website so you can see how many psychopathic traits you have. You can take the test here. The only reason I know about this is because I was chatting to someone last night who expressed surprise at getting 63% on it, and was mildly offended when I said I wasn't at all surprised.

I then had to elucidate further: I lived with a psychologist for ten years. I got tested a LOT. I know the signs and symptoms of a LOT of psychological problems. I know I have some interesting quirks. I also know I'm not a psychopath, although I bet I would score higher on an online test than the person I was talking to.

I took the test today. I got 85% on it. I was unsurprised, and not a little amused.

The problems with web-based agree/disagree tests are manifold and well known, but with this particular one, I think that my aspie traits combined with non-tradtional attitudes to a number of things, addiction to thrill-seeking, and my tendency to tick agree/disagree strongly rather than moderately would ring the alarm bells. But of course the defining trait of a psychopath is their inability to feel/express emotion. Anyone who has ever met me for more than ten seconds, or indeed read a few posts on this blog, knows that is NOT a trait of mine.

Psychopaths don't have panic attacks, don't self harm, don't wake up screaming in the night from post traumatic nightmares. I do. Plus, pychopaths are not necessarily bad people anyway. So I guess this blog post is meant as reassurance: if you take that test and score highly, don't fret.



ETA: Also:

miss_s_b: Peter Falk as Columbo saying "just one more thing" (Fangirling: Columbo)
The last few days I have been having conversations via various media with sseveral different people about our, um, eccentricities. It turns out that, like with lots of other taboo subjects, once a topic comes up and you "admit" that you have experienced it, suddenly lots of other people can talk to you about how they have too.

Those of you who don't and haven't self harmed possibly don't realise quite how prevalent it is. So this is my public coming out, if you like. When the intersection of my anxiety, depression and paranoia become too much, I self-harm.

And the rest of this is going under a cut, because there are some things people don't necessarily want to know )

Anyway, the music part. Two songs about self harm:

One for when I'm in the depths of it is Johnny Cash's cover of Hurt. I love the NiN original, but Cash just somehow encapsulates the pain so much better.



And one for when I'm bringing myself out of it is Papa Roach's Last Resort. I really love how the video shows the sad lonely faces of the people alone in their rooms transformed when they go into the crowd and rock out. Healing power of music etc.

Papa Roach - Last Resort from Nuxo on Vimeo.



This post was VERY difficult to write. I hope it's not as difficult to read. I don't want to prompt anyone's concern, or for anyone to do anything, I'm actually not too bad today. But if this post increases understanding a bit it will have done its job...

About This Blog

Hello! I'm Jennie (known to many as SB, due to my handle, or The Yorksher Gob because of my old blog's name). This blog is my public face; click here for a list of all the other places you can find me on t'interwebs.



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The Survivors' Trust - donate here
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