miss_s_b: (Mood: Kill me)
So, Spring Conference is coming up. One of the events thereat is an exclusive invite-only candidates' reception with Our Glorious Leader Cleggy and party president Tim Farron. My lovely PPC has wangled me an invite as his plus-one*. But there's a catch. He wants me to wear a dress.

I pointed out that the last time I wore a dress it raised £75 for his campaign fund, and if he wants me to do that again he'd better be damn sure to beat that amount by a long way. I gave him a target of £250. Sadly, people have already started pledging money**.

So here's the deal: you lot donate money to McGregor's election campaign, and I will tart up.

If my paypal account goes over £250 before this time next week I will wear a dress to the Candidates' Reception on Saturday night. And, you know, might as well do a proper job of it: dress, high heels, make-up, nail varnish, the works. There will, of course, be pictures. So if you see pictures of me in my Doc Martens and stuff, you'll know that not enough money was donated.

The question uppermost in my mind is this: which will be worse? McGregor's smugness if I do end up in a dress, or his sadface if I don't... I guess that's the decision you guys have to make.

ETA: It's just struck me. Glee Club is immediately after the Exclusive Reception thingy. This means I may have to do Glee CLub in a dress... Oh God.

* mainly so I can tease Farron in person, rather than over Twitter as is my usual method.
** yes, Belinda Brooks-Gordon, I'm looking at YOU *severe face*
miss_s_b: (Pratchett: Nanny Ogg)
Lib Dem Voice have been being very very naughty. It all started with James Shaddock's Opinion: As Liberals, we must stand up For sex workers. Not to be outdone, my lovely candidate Alisdair* went for the seemingly innocuous Opinion: Teresa May’s Right Hand doesn’t know what her Hard Right hand is doing - which is, of course, the Porn Star Teresa May, not the Home Secretary Theresa May, with bonus mention of hardness. And then, bless him, he's such a trier, he had another go with Porn blocking comes in… and blocks the LGBT+LD website as porn. Which clearly encouraged the lovely Lady Mark to go for This week’s by-elections: a come from behind upset in Lincolnshire brightens an otherwise grim scene*.

So which one made you snigger most?
Poll #14747 Innuendo-laden Headlines
Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: Just the Poll Creator, participants: 11

What was the most Innuendo-laden Headline on Lib Dem Voice This Week?

Standing up for Sex Workers
0 (0.0%)

Teresa May's Hard Right Hand
5 (45.5%)

Porn Block Comes In
0 (0.0%)

The Come From Behind Upset
6 (54.5%)

*possibly with some slight encouragement from me
miss_s_b: (Self: boobies)
So I got a parcel today:
New shirts in box on bed

James took pictures of me trying the shirts on. SOME of the pictures were not me pulling ridiculous faces, or blurry from James laughing, so here they are. All pictures can be clicked to be embiggened.

It all started reasonably sensibly...
Me in stripy shirt and suit jacket, posing

more under the cut )
miss_s_b: (Fanigrling: Rumpole)
Just a quick entry today: Very pleased to see that the lovely Julian Huppert has won the parliamentary beard of the year vote even though I voted Thurso.I note that this was despite the desperate, misspelled, last ditch efforts of the Labour candidate for Calder Valley. As our own, dear, beardy candidate ACMcG said:Julian's defeated opponent was much more gracious:Anyway, props to Julian for winning, AND for coming up with that hilarious punning hashtag; commiserations to King Beard Thurso for only managing third despite my vote, and may there be more beards of all parties in parliament come 2015.
miss_s_b: (Politics: Goth Lib Dems)
So tonight is Alisdair's housewarming party, and this morning I tweeted:You guys know me. My uniform is combats/jeans and a t-shirt with something geeky on it. Formal dress is not something I do. But I do have, in the depths of my wardrobe, several options. Sadly I am still too fat for the blue taffeta ballgown. However! Some fool offered a donation. So I shall pledge as follows:
  • the one donation already promised gets me into whichever formal clothing people vote for in the poll below

  • Five donations and I shall wear high heeled shoes as well

  • Ten donations and I'll go the whole hog and put make-up on for the first time this year
These are your options:

formal clothing options
Purple mid-calf column dress

formal clothing options
Black/silver satin ankle length column dress

formal clothing options
Black suit

formal clothing options
Purple suit (the one I turned up to regional conf in)

Poll #14548 What should I wear?
This poll is closed.
Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: Just the Poll Creator, participants: 12

Which formal clothing should I base my dress around this evening?

Purple column dress
4 (33.3%)

Black/silver satin column dress
5 (41.7%)

Purple suit
2 (16.7%)

Black suit
1 (8.3%)

Do vote in the poll. Also if you want to donate, stick it in my paypal:

...and I'll transfer it over to the party (plus the couple of quid balance that's already in there anyway). It's all in a good cause. We need a fighting fund to get Alisdair elected, because Calder Valley really needs a decent MP for a change...

Get voting and donating then :P

ETA: deadline for the poll is mid afternoon, btw. There'll be no point in voting when I've already set off for Hebden Bridge; but you can donate to the party whenever you like, obvs ;)
miss_s_b: Mindy St Clare from The Good Place, hiding her nakedness behind very large sunflowers and looking shocked (Fangirling: Sam West)
Lib Dem Voice need money.
I need beard porn.
What would people say to a beardy Lib Dems calendar? It'd be like Calendar Girls only beardier*

This idea has been being chucked around by all the swines who are off to Manchester on the piss while I fold leaflets tonight several lovely people on twitter this afternoon and I think it's a good one.

Would my fellow beardthusiasts pay for such a thing? And how do we narrow down the pool of hot beardy Lib Dems to actually put on the thing? I mean there's LOADS of them. I live with two!

* and almost certainly less naked. There's a limit to what you can persuade even Lib Dem men to do with a strategically placed Focus Leaflet, in my experience.
miss_s_b: (Pratchett: Nanny Ogg)
People seem to find the technical language around politics in general and LibDemmery in particular to be slightly confusing. With that in mind I thought a glossary might be useful; this post is meant to be taken entirely seriously and is in no way humourous or mere gratuitous filth.possibly there are some of you who don't want to see this )

Happy to amend the list with any suggestions from readers which are appropriate and sensible. Remember folks, Lib Dems do it with a Focus you won't believe ;)
miss_s_b: Mindy St Clare from The Good Place, hiding her nakedness behind very large sunflowers and looking shocked (Default)
Political Values

Radicalism 96.75
Socialism 81.25
Tenderness 53.125

These scores indicate that you are a progressive; this is the political profile one might associate with a university professor. It appears that you are skeptical towards religion, and have a pragmatic attitude towards humanity in general.

Your attitudes towards economics appear communist, and combined with your social attitudes this creates the picture of someone who would generally be described as left-wing.

To round out the picture you appear to be, political preference aside, a centrist with several strong opinions.

This concludes our analysis; we hope you found your results accurate, useful, and interesting.
I suspect the fact that my reasonably Leftie but not particularly extreme views are described as communist says more about this survey's USian origins than its statement of objectivity would care to admit...

You can take the test yourself here
miss_s_b: (Fangirling: Yorkshire)
A God-fearing American Christian - let's give him a nice stereotypical name like Billy-Bob - decides he is going to spend his vacation in England, touring historic cathedrals. He starts at Winchester. Having taken in the glorious architecture, and been suitably humbled by the age of the building, he notices something strange. In a hidden corner is a golden telephone, and above the phone is a discreet sign which reads "Direct telephone line to God. Please deposit £1 million per call. Credit cards accepted."

Billy-Bob can't quite believe what he's seeing, so he finds a member of the cathedral's staff, and enquires about the phone.

"Yes, my son, the telephone connects you directly to the Almighty himself", the verger informs him.
"Wow! Neat!"

Unfortunately, Billy-Bob doesn't have a million pounds to spare. Impressed but disheartened, he moves on to the next cathedral on his list - Salisbury. Here he finds the same thing - glorious architecture, huge weight of history, half-hidden golden phone. And it's the same at every cathedral - Canterbury, Rochester, Ely - until, having worked his way north, he comes to St Peter's in Bradford. Now, St Peter's isn't quite as impressive architecturally as some of the others, and it's not in as beautiful a location (being sat slap bang in the middle of Bradford), but it's still a pretty awe-inspiring place. And, as expected, it contains a golden phone. Unexpectedly, however, the sign is slightly different.

"Calls to God 10p. No soliciting"

Billy Bob is completely taken aback. He finds the nearest member of the clergy and expresses his amazement:

"Everywhere else it's a million pounds!"
"Aye, lad."
"Why is it only ten pence here?"
"Aye, well, you see, from here...

(drumroll please)

... it's a local call"

This joke was first posted on my blog in 2005. I feel very old now.
miss_s_b: Mindy St Clare from The Good Place, hiding her nakedness behind very large sunflowers and looking shocked (Music: EPIC TIGHT PANTS!!!)
So apparently, Mick Jagger and Cleggy are mates. Like, they ate in the same restaurant and EVERYTHING. This led the lovely Petite Liberal to opine on twitter that it'd be ace if uncle Mick were a Lib Dem cos then he could come to GLEE CLUB! And you all know what that's going to lead to: a hashtag! Thus #jaggeratgleeclub was born.

Now "I can't get no... proportional representation" doesn't quite scan, but there are a couple of others that I think work
Summer's here
and the time has come
for leafletting all the streets
all we need is RISOs
sweet RISOs
there'll be RISOs everywhere...
and of course
I see a red door and I want to paint it yellow...
and I REALLY want to work on Sympathy for the Paddy
I watched with glee
While your Blairs and Browns
Fought for ten decades
For the mess they made
I shouted out,
"Who killed the Snooping Bill?"
When after all
It was you and me...
You lot have any suggestions?
miss_s_b: (Mood: Laughter)
A conversation on twitter regarding THAT Ed Balls link descended into discussion of the solitary Lib Dem mentioned in the list, one D Alexander:
jpshaddock 18:04
@stackee @AAEmmerson @miss_s_b I'm not sure I'd want to know, either way. Though I'm sure Danny is a considerate lover

miss_s_b 18:05
@jpshaddock even if he's not I'd happily raid his record collection. @stackee @AAEmmerson

stackee 18:06
@miss_s_b @jpshaddock @AAEmmerson Please tell me that's not a euphemism...

jpshaddock 18:07
@stackee Stace, what could that even be a euphemism for? Then again, it is Jennie @miss_s_b @AAEmmerson
I believe my work here is done LMAO
miss_s_b: (Who: Six (S.P.C./Eyebrow))
INT KGB office circa 1977. Dingy with nicotine-stained walls, rickety desks, black telephones. Two KGB agents are having a discussion.
AGENT 1: Well what about Ivanova? She was near Washington.

AGENT 2: No, we lost her in the first year when they showed the Rogar Corman film on TV at Halloween. Who knew they recited the poem at the start of it?

AGENT 1: Petrov?

AGENT 2: Went on a killing spree on his son's first birthday. I told you Happy Birthday was a bad activation poem for a sleeper agent, but would you listen?

AGENT 1: Prutkova?

AGENT 2: Killed everyone at her own wedding when they recited Maya Angelou.

AGENT 1: Well what about Syratov?

AGENT 2: A most unfortunate incident in a kindergarten. The Cat in the Hat is apparently quite commonly read to children...

AGENT 1: Well who does that leave?
Both start leafing through papers, looking for another name
AGENT 1 & 2 together, triumphantly: ...Karlova!

Agent 1 picks up a phone, consults the paper, dials a number, and recites in sepulchral tones:

AGENT 1: Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay!
Alas! I am very sorry to say
That ninety lives have been taken away...
((This skit brought to you by the incredulity caused by the idea that all those sleeper agents would have still been around in Telefon, when their activation phrase was one of THE most famous American poems of all time...))
((And not by procrastination on the Hitchcock post at all. Honest.))

Advert of the day

Wednesday, January 9th, 2013 06:46 pm
miss_s_b: Mindy St Clare from The Good Place, hiding her nakedness behind very large sunflowers and looking shocked (Sci-fi: Bayban - Bootylicious)
miss_s_b: Mindy St Clare from The Good Place, hiding her nakedness behind very large sunflowers and looking shocked (Default)
Bullshit, say I! Look at this email I just got:
Similar to John Stuart Mill:

Stephen Tall
Stephen Tall @stephentall
Co-Editor @LibDemVoice, Research Associate @CentreForum, Development...
Followed by Darren Bridgman and 70 others.

Phil Reilly
Phil Reilly @phil_reilly
Deputy Head of Media for @libdems. Editor-in-chief @AdLibMag. Former...
Followed by Dinti Batstone and 48 others.

CentreForum @CentreForum
CentreForum is an independent, liberal think tank. Find us at...
Followed by Tom Brake MP and 27 others.

John Kampfner
John Kampfner @johnkampfner
Author, broadcaster, commentator; adviser on free expression and culture...
Followed by Ali Goldsworthy and 21 others.

Sarah Yong
Sarah Yong @srhyong
Lib Dem Somerset lass!
Followed by Tom Brake MP and 19 others.
Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but none of those are awesome Victorian MPs/philosophers, two of them are people I follow anyway, and one of them isn't even a person.

ETA: and as I've just been reminded by Nissemus, I suspect none of them have been particularly ill after drinking half a pint of shandy.
miss_s_b: (Mood: Facepalm)
An American tourist decides she's going to visit all the great cathedrals of England.

She starts at St Paul's, takes the tour and is very impressed by the architecture. While wandering round the nave, she notices in a corner a golden payphone with a sign on it:
Direct Line to God: Ten Thousand pounds per minute. Insert credit card here
She finds a clergyperson and asks if it's for real. The clergyperson replies that yes, it's definitely for real, and sorry it's so expensive.

She travels around many cathedrals (you can make this joke go on forever with names of cathedrals) and in each one, somewhere, there's the same thing: gold payphone, little sign, ten grand a minute.

Eventually, having worked her way round the country, she gets to St Peter's in Bradford. Tucked away in a little corner in St Peter's there's a gold payphone but the sign is different:
Direct Line to God: 10p per hour. Insert coin here
Stunned, she finds a cleryperson and asks why the phone in St Peter's is so much cheaper than all the others she's seen. The clergyperson looks at her as though she's a bit daft and explains:
Well, lass, the difference is it's a local call from here

You can all hate me now.
miss_s_b: (Mood: Laughter)
... and we went to look up how much the DVDs were because we all remembered it being so funny, and we came across this description for season one [with added comments by me]:
Alexis Colby is divorced from Blake Carrington, a fabulously wealthy oil magnate who marries his secretary [and her cast iron hair] Krystle Jennings at the show's inception; the jealous Alexis, head of her own oil corporation [aren't we all?], does everything she can to destroy their union. The rest of the cast is comprised of Blake and Alexis' four children: the promiscuous amnesiac Fallon [isn't she the one played by Doctor Quinn Medicine Idiot who gets abducted by aliens?]; Adam, who was kidnapped at birth [WHAT?]; the sexually ambivalent Steven [what you mean he can't decide if he wants a shag or not?]; and Amanda, who has run off to Europe. During the first season, Krystle adapts to her new role as an aristocrat, and Blake tries to work through his problems with his gay son [ah, so ambivalent means GAY! I see...], though he is eventually put on trial for the murder of his son's lover [because murder is the best way of working through one's problems]. Episodes include: 'The Honeymoon', 'The Chauffeur Tells A Secret' [snerk], 'The Beating' [of the bishop], and 'The Birthday Party' [presumably not the one by Harold Pinter, although James suggests he'd like to see episodes written by Joe Orton and Alan Bennett...].
Seriously, doesn't that sound like the funniest TV series EVER? Why don't they repeat it more often? Especially when the DVDs are so bloody expensive.
miss_s_b: Peter Falk as Columbo saying "just one more thing" (Fangirling: Columbo)
The Expendables 2 is coming out soon, and James and I have been looking forward to it as a guilty pleasure. We're both fans of cheesy over the top action movies, and they don't come much cheesier than The Expendables. And yes, I know it's cliched and sexist and racially stereotyped and problematic in many other ways... But I still really enjoyed it.

We were talking about the names of the characters, and they are (hopefully intentionally) cheesy too. I mean, Jean Claude Van Damnation is playing "Jean Vilain" - John the Villain. And the others are stuff like Toll Road and Ben Christmas and Trent Mauser. So we figured we could start a meme: what is YOUR Expendables name?

If you're male, and have English as your first language:
  • your first name is the river nearest the place you were born

  • your surname is the holiday nearest the date of your birth.

  • This makes James Trent Summer, because the long holidays between academic years ARE known as The Summer Holidays, and being more specific makes him Trent August Bank Holiday. Or possibly Trent Harvest Festival. Similarly, Mat is Dart Summer.

If you are male, but have English as a second language, or don't speak English at all, your Expendables name MUST be an EITHER aspect of your character "foreignised" (like Jean Vilain), OR a horrible play on some stereotype about your nationality/ethnicity (Jet Li's character Yin Yang)

If you're female:
  • Girls only get one name in The Expendables, because no woman is important enought to deserve a surname, and to find out what it is you have to decide if you're going to be a Token Female Action Hero or a Love Interest

  • if you're a Token Female Action Hero you get the river thing that the boys get for first name - This makes me Colne.

  • if you're a Love Interest you must name yourself after a descriptor which applies to your underwear (c.f Charisma Carpenter's "character" Lacy). If I was a love interest I would be Skimpy

What about you lot?
miss_s_b: (Blogging: Internet forever!!)
So, apparently Andrew Hickey and Andrew Rilstone might be the same person. Even more confusingly, Andrew Ducker might also be the same person. All this is achieved by cunning addition and subtraction of beards and hairpieces, I am told. And miraculous nil-time travel between Manchester, Bristol, and Scotland.

Which one of them is the real Andrew? And... are ALL Andrews one Andrew? If so, this leads to a disturbing thought. My DAD is called Andrew...

miss_s_b: Mindy St Clare from The Good Place, hiding her nakedness behind very large sunflowers and looking shocked (Default)
miss_s_b: Mindy St Clare from The Good Place, hiding her nakedness behind very large sunflowers and looking shocked (Default)
miss_s_b: Mindy St Clare from The Good Place, hiding her nakedness behind very large sunflowers and looking shocked (Default)
miss_s_b: Mindy St Clare from The Good Place, hiding her nakedness behind very large sunflowers and looking shocked (Default)
miss_s_b: Mindy St Clare from The Good Place, hiding her nakedness behind very large sunflowers and looking shocked (Default)
miss_s_b: Mindy St Clare from The Good Place, hiding her nakedness behind very large sunflowers and looking shocked (Who: ZOMG!)
On the third edit. Bloody embed code not working. Mutter grumble.

HERE is video:

I'm going to be singing this all day now. Dammit.
miss_s_b: Mindy St Clare from The Good Place, hiding her nakedness behind very large sunflowers and looking shocked (Default)

About This Blog

A picture of me with my mum's dog Pippin

Hello! I'm Jennie (known to many as SB, due to my handle, or The Yorksher Gob because of my old blog's name). This blog is my public face; click here for a list of all the other places you can find me on t'interwebs.


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