Spring Conference

Monday, March 18th, 2019 09:12 am
miss_s_b: (Politics: Goth Lib Dems)
I survived. Chaired a Q&A and a debate, co-hosted Glee, ran a training session which seemed to go over well, and voted in a couple of debates. The Supporters' Scheme has gone pretty much as I expected although not quite as I might have hoped: conference basically voted in favour of setting up a glorified email list and not giving supporters many of the huge swathe of rights the leadership wanted to give them. FPC has the option to let them sit on policy working groups if it wants to (they already had the option to put anybody they wanted on policy working groups anyway...) and supporters can access the members' only area of the federal party website. But they can't vote for leader. Thank Cthulhu.

I was aide for the Leader's Q&A, so I got to see how Geoff plans that with Vince (and even have a tiny bit of input), which was fascinating. And (according to one of the stewards later) I did a very good job of looking interested while the actual Q&A was happening. Go me!

Not The Leader's Speech is getting so popular now that I think we may have overwhelmed the chosen pub: happily they had lots of staff on anyway because it was a Sunday and they do Sunday lunches, but I think we're getting to the point where we might have to specifically book a place, rather than just warning them in advance "you're going to get a lot of Lib Dems in at x time". Especially given Autumn is in Bournemouth, where there are only really two options for a pub to go to (unlike York where there's millions).

Self care was sub-optimal, though. Got a barely adequate five hours' sleep Friday night, plus about an hour nap during the day, then an even worse four hours' Saturday night with a half hour nap when Not The Leaders' Speech was over, and then a good nine hours last night. I now feel a bit more human and less argh-jittery-adrenalin after the nine hours, but I really ought to do better than that. I suspect sleep would have been even worse without a good napping partner, though, so thanks to Beloved for that. Diet, meanwhile, was horrific: 90% booze and sausages. I am craving salad.

Spring conference is always a bit more full-on than autumn because we have to cram everything into such a short space, but I think I need to remember that a bit better when planning.

And now to pack up, check out of hotel, and go home to my doggies. I have missed them SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much.
miss_s_b: DreamSheep dreams of the Angel of the North (Blogging: DreamSheep: Angel of the North)
Questions via [community profile] thefridayfive here

1. Are we losing the art of listening?

I don't know what you mean, I'm listening to music right now [/sarcastic answer]
I think this all depends in who "we" is. I certainly seem to spend a large amount of time talking over things with other people. This, I believe, is known in human terms as "friendship". I sometimes get confused as to why people feel I am the right person to come to with emotional stuff, because I tend to be quite robust in my advice... but maybe people like robust? Anyway, people do come to me to talk about things, and that's 1, flattering and 2, comforting, because it means I know that I will always have someone to turn to when I need it.

In terms of humanity in general, I think there is a general and growing unwillingness on the part of women* to do men's* emotional labour without reciprocation or complaint, but I think that's a good thing. Firstly because it means that men* are starting to develop their emotional literacy and help each other instead of all relying on a single significant other for emotional heavy lifting (where women often have a much broader emotional support network), and secondly because women* could do with a bit less work. The irony of posting this on International women's day is not lost on me.

* not all women, not all men, and even within those groups to varying degrees, but it works as a generalisation. I am very lucky that the men in my life are mostly pretty good at being reciprocal about this stuff.


2. Have you ever interacted with the police?

There's a friendly rozzer I usually wave at when I see her around town. And when we got burgled that time obvs there was a degree of interaction. Other interactions... Look, I'm queer, I've got oddly coloured hair and piercings and tattoos, and I've been on quite a lot of protests. I also attend political conferences twice a year looking like I do. What do you think? I'm not going to be any more specific than that about this stuff because frankly it's my business and not the internet-reading public's, but... I feel I am perfectly justified in my dislike of the police force in general, and their institutional illiberalism and prejudices, but I try very hard not to hold that against individual officers.


3. Do you like being alone?

For a given definition of alone. I always have my phone, which contains my friends and loved ones 24/7. But yes, sometimes I need to not be in physical proximity with other humans. This is usually how I gauge if I have fallen in love; I can be comfortable with someone I love near me when I can't bear the thought of being near humans and want to run away and hide. There's a much smaller number of people I can do that with than there are people I have had sexytiems with: the current list is four people.

Usually being alone means actual distance and barriers between me and other humans: walls/doors/etc. The one exception to that is being in a pub. I'm always comfortable in a pub. I think this is possibly because from being tiny my parents often took me to the pub with them, and then I spent so many years working in them. It's a comforting environment. So I can happily "be alone" in a very crowded pub.


4. Who would you share your passwords with?

There are a couple of people who I share some passwords with - the whole family knows the family Netflix password, for example, and there's a few of us with the password to the LGBT+LDs twitter account. And I suspect there's a fair few people know my wi-fi password. Pretty much everything else is in a password manager because I have hundreds of online accounts, and I don't even know what most of my passwords are because they are randomly generated. The master password for the password manager is securely locked up in my head; the only ones I actually know are google account, spotify, and firefox sync.

5. What are you grateful for today?

Daughter.
Friends, Family (biological and found) and Lovers.
Doggies.
Music.
The train that is going to take me to a joyous meeting in a few hours' time. Speaking of which, I ought to finish packing...
miss_s_b: Abby Scuto says Awesome (Feminist Heroes: Abby Scuto Awesome)
I have done all the Work tasks I needed to do.
I have prepped for all the things I need to prep for over the weekend.
I have got a recalcitrant printer working.
I have done a bunch of stuff to help out other people.

OK, so, it's half past seven at night and I'm still in th office and haven't eaten since breakfast, but, you know, I've Acheived Things!

... might order pizza for tea.
miss_s_b: (Love: Addams)
... for various reasons beyond your control, and there's a bunch of stuff that you can't really properly solve even if/when you can soothe it a bit, and it's all a bit stressful...

Spending some time on Skype with someone who soothes your brain and makes you laugh and values you for yourself rather than what you can do for them?

That's worth more than all the tea in China.

I am very lucky to have people like that in my life.

♡♡♡♡

Bleargh

Saturday, March 2nd, 2019 10:39 pm
miss_s_b: (Blogging: Mod hat)
Spent today feeling really crappy after some dodgy food yesterday luchtime (I think it was lunch, anyway) kept me up most of the night expelling said dodgy food from various orifices. Which kind of took the edge off of having spent the day in good company yesterday and then seen a play in the evening which... Yeah, I couldn't say I enjoyed it, exactly, because it wasn't the kind of play you enjoy, but it was thought-provoking and emotional and the ending was devastating. All My Sons by Arthur Miller, for those more cultured than me - all I knew about Arthur Miller prior to this was that he and Marilyn Monroe were married for a while and... it all went a bit wrong.

Anyway, being physically incapacitated today meant that my brain went freewheeling, so I got on with some beta-proof-edity stuff I'd been promising someone I'd do for a while.

So now obviously I am paranoid that I have Gone Too Far and will upset the person I was doing the beta-proof-edity stuff for. YAY brain! Oh yeah, not yay, the other thing.
miss_s_b: Peter Falk as Columbo saying "just one more thing" (Fangirling: Columbo)
- Linkspammer still broken, sorry about that.
- I kind of feel like I want to blog more than I have for ages, but I'm not really clear what about. It's like an itch. This is an attempt at scratching it. It's not really working. Maybe I ought to do another Liberalism 101 post.
- I've got to go to exercise class in a bit and I'm so wiped out after emotional roller coaster yesterday* and adrenaline rush of dentist terror** this morning that I really don't want to. I know it'll do me good though.
- Daughter is playing lots of Tetris99 since it came out and the music is properly embedding in my head.



* my brain decided that yesterday was a great time to press a whole bunch of self destruct buttons. Happily some of them didn't work.
** I really really hate going to the dentist. My actual dentist is lovely, but that doesn't, sadly, stop the soul-wrenching terror.
miss_s_b: Animated Viking shouts lots of words that originated in Viking language (Fangirling: Horrible Histories)
cut for the squeamish )

But here is a benefit of polyamory: [personal profile] matgb offered to get me a glass of milk in between doing other stuff. After a bit I realise he has forgotten. [personal profile] magister comes up to say goodnight and I am pathetic at him till he goes to get me a glass of milk. Then we say goodnight and he goes to bed. Ten minutes later Mat comes upstairs with a glass of milk "OMG I'm sorry I totally forgot!"

I might be in huge amounts of pain, but I am a happy little milk addict.
miss_s_b: (Fangirling: Cthulhu the Six!Fan)
How old are you?
Chronologically, I'm 41. In sense of humour terms, about 12. In world-weary cynicism about 9000. In my love life right now... Somebody's making me feel about 17. Which is great.

Click for more noseying into my personal life )
miss_s_b: (Mood: Drama queen)
This morning I woke up at 5.30am. The instant I awoke my brain was bombarding me with all the reasons I am a terrible, worthless person who does not deserve to have anyone's time, attention, or care.

At 7.30am, after two hours of constant berating by my own brain, I sent a message to someone who might reasonably have expected contact from me today that I would probably not be as responsive as usual because my depression was acting up, and that I was planning to throw myself into work to see if that would help at all.

By 10am, still lying in the dark, not even having been able to summon the spoons to go brush my teeth, I realised that throwing myself into work would need me to actually be able to do some work, and turned on the laptop. Of course I could not concentrate on work.

I've managed to get here, typing this blog post, by composing an email entitled "Maybe typing out an email I am too mortified to ever send will help" which contains within it a list of all the things my brain is beating me up about today. A non-exhaustive list of my flaws and failures and inadequacies, all down in black and white. Looking at them like that... I'm not able to convince myself that they're not bad - they are bad; I am bad - but I can convince myself that they're understandable. That anyone could have these issues, that it's not just me who is uniquely and embarrassingly awful. Apart from anything else, looking at the list pricks my sense of the absurd: it's faintly ridiculous that I am letting this consume me instead of doing the ibble words and getting on with something productive.

So NOW I'm going to throw myself at work and see if I stick...

ETA: It's now after noon. Still no work done but have managed breakfast. Baby steps...

ETA 4pm: Have had a bit of good news, which has helped, and a bag of mini cheddars. And have managed some work! YAY!

Hair etc

Thursday, January 3rd, 2019 09:52 pm
miss_s_b: (Self: Profile)
I realised that I forgot to tell all those of you who voted here that I went for greens in the end.

I'm not sure I like it; the greens I bought ended up being not as varied as they looked like they were going to be from the tubs, and it's all gone a bit boring and turquoise even though my colourist used four different shades. Turquoise always feels to me more of a summer hair colour*... So this is a mea culpa and an "I'll listen to you lot next time". Purple does seem to be the one that works best on me.



* "some things in their natural state have the most vivid colours" etc.
miss_s_b: Mindy St Clare from The Good Place, hiding her nakedness behind very large sunflowers and looking shocked (Default)
description of injury )

Just thought you'd all like to know :)
miss_s_b: (Blogging: Christmas Humbugs)
Your annual reminder that I don't do Christmas.

However! It is my birthday on the 27th of December, and things have been a little more financially strained this year than they have in recent years, so here are the links to two of my wishlists:

- Master of Malt
- Amazon

Master of Malt is there for those of you who have moral objections to amazon, and amazon is there for those of you who have moral objections to drinking. A gift from amazon might last longer than a gift from Master of Malt, but it matters less if a gift from Master of Malt is duplicated...

If you would like to remind me when YOUR birthday is, for reciprocation purposes, all comments below are screened. Drop me a comment with a date and a link to your wishlist and I'll stick you on my google calendar.
miss_s_b: (Who: SixAppeal)
The Festive Doctor Who this year will be on New Year's Day instead of on Christmas Day. This has prompted the usual prophecies of doom and horror from the usual corners of the internet, but I was pretty relaxed about it:
  1. Christmas is a family day, with all the inherent stresses that involves; New Year's Eve we have friends over and generally get drunk and swear at the hootenannnnnnaaaaaaay and relax and have a good time. New Year's Day generally involves my house being full of good-natured and slightly hung over friendly faces, pretty much all of whom are Doctor Who fans anyway.

  2. I bloody hate Christmas, and this year it is my brother's turn to host the parentals, so I can completely ignore it this year if there's no Who.

  3. I think having it on New Year's Day sends a subtle message, which admittedly has been laid on with a trowel in other ways this series, that they are Not Dicking About with the new direction.

Anyway, the cheery thing? The cheery thing was waking up this morning to a reaction to this news in one of the fora I frequent:
[The festive special] will be on New Year's Day instead of Christmas Day. This makes going to visit Jennie for New Year much more important, because I want to watch it with my found family, and the rest of them will be there.

And so it was that I found myself in happy tears before even getting out of bed. "Found family"! It's such a beautiful term.

People, cherish your friends. Hold your loved ones close. Celebrate your found families. We're going to need each other in the next few months, especially in the UK, and being there for each other is a thing we can all do, in whatever ways are best for us.

Quick Update

Monday, July 2nd, 2018 10:47 am
miss_s_b: (Pratchett: not dead)
Having had a couple of messages from people asking if I'm OK because I haven't blogged in a while: I'm still here! Just completely lacking in brain bandwidth for a variety of reasons. Hopefully things should get better this week.

You're all lovely people.
miss_s_b: (Mood: Kill me)
Plans:

- much drilling; put up remaining speaker brackets in living room + two shoe tidies
- deep clean kitchen
- sort out pocket on leggings

Actual:

- be brought breakfast in bed by lovely boyfriend
- browse through flash sale at clothing website
- doggie cuddles.

The doggie cuddles are so nice, though...

Not dead

Friday, February 16th, 2018 10:11 am
miss_s_b: (Blogging: Internet forever!!)
Everything's a bit manic at the moment. Too many things! Still, have ticked off a massive eight tasks so far this morning AND been to the dentist (I need a filling redone. Boooo...).

Hope you lot are all good.
miss_s_b: (Blogging: Internet forever!!)
... I got a new phone

Carlton does a happy dance
miss_s_b: (Mood: Terrified)
(this time as a result of my sister twitting at me)

Oh shit, I'm forty TOMORROW.

I mean when I was a teenager and living my rock n roll lifestyle I was sure I was going to be a member of the 27 club. Live fast, die young, leave a good-looking corpse.

Tomorrow, I'm going to be forty.

I can't quite wrap my head around it.

Forty.

Jesus wept.
miss_s_b: (Mood: Miserable Brian :()
... and we get the Civil War that some brexiteers promise.

You can see the thread here. It has lots of people joining in with what they think the political landscape would be, how they think the mechanics of it would work, all having a nice, dispassionate, theoretical discussion.

I can't do that, because what I think would happen if the brexiteers ramp up the violence to civil war levels - what is starting to happen, if news reports are to be believed - is that people would die. People of colour, disabled people, LGBT+ people, anyone with a slightly foreign accent... I fit into more than one category of person that would be on The List.

So if there was to be all out civil war over this, I wouldn't be worried about the shape of the politics, because I'd be too busy trying to avoid the mob. Hoping the mob weren't going to get me, my family, my friends.

It must be really nice, to be able to discuss this sort of thing without feeling the existential terror of Them coming for you. I'd love to be able know what that's like.
miss_s_b: (Mood: Kill me)
The windows in our house have needed mending for ages. Today is the day the landlord finally sent the window man round. I am looking after the dogs in a room where he doesn't need to go, and working from my laptop (boss has me doing research into arcane bits of law today).

But the window man is here.

And I can't even go to the loo, because one of the windows he is mending is the bathroom window.

And I really really need to pee.

Typing out a blog post helps, right?
miss_s_b: (Politics: Goth Lib Dems)
My schedule is filling up pretty quickly, but I still have the odd gap, especially at times where there might be food available. I've got my conference schedule all typed up, but it's editable until Friday morning, so if you want to negotiate a gap, let me know :)

Friday Five

Friday, August 11th, 2017 03:35 pm
miss_s_b: (Self: Profile)
(questions via [community profile] thefridayfive)

1) What is the most outrageous style you've ever rocked?

When I was a young 'un, there was that brief period when shell suits were incredibly fashionable, but before they had been discovered to be ridiculously dangerously flammable, and we had a non-uniform day at school. Every single other person in my class came in a shell suit. Some of them had those colour change t-shirts that showed your armpit sweat even worse than grey marl does. I wore cut-off denim hot pants, fishnet tights, an Alice Cooper t-shirt and a leather biker jacket.

I think that tells you everything you need to know about my attitude to fashion.


2) As a teen, were you an emo, goth, punk, grunger, or prep?

Um. I never could be bothered with the make-up requirements for goth, but I suspect I tended more that way in other respects, with bits of punk and grunger too. I mean, I never did do the blue stonewash jeans classic rocker look, I always wore black and purple.


3) Have you ever had a crazy hairstyle/colour?

Ever since I was 18 right up until the present. I'm normally one or more of blue, purple, or pink, but I've been other colours too. Went jet black once; didn't like it.


4) Do you think we ever really grow out of our teen selves?

I certainly haven't. But then I was quite elderly in outlook from about the age of 18 months, so... (this is possibly down to the autism, which obvs was undiagnosed when I was a young 'un.


5) Is there any fashion style you wish you could wear but maybe don't have the confidence?

It's not the confidence, it's the tolerance for pain. I wish I could wear halter neck tops, but my boobs are so heavy that they give me horrific neck ache within seconds of putting them on.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

Thursday, July 13th, 2017 03:14 pm
miss_s_b: (Mood: Drama queen)
My to do list has too many things on it and they all eat spoons and I have no spoons send spoons. Srsly.

Am managing to just about keep up with work stuff, but politics stuff is a bit wibbly wobbly and personal stuff is backed up like someone who's never eaten prunes.

Also, Roxy has finished her course of antibiotics, yet is still coughing (we're going back to the vet tomorrow); my ankle still hurts; Hol breaks up for the summer holidays tomorrow; we've got a meat order coming and the freezer is too full already; I've got research to do on policy for a Lord; I've got two reviews to write; I've got LOADS of stuff to do for LGBT+LDs; I've got loads of invoices to issue and forms to fill in (and forms are a terrifying thing); AND we are out of gin.

This is not sustainable.

(we now return you to your scheduled programming)
miss_s_b: (Mood: Drama queen)
- still not having the best of mental health. An example: just had a panic attack because the hotel I'm booked into for conference sent me an email beginning "unfortunately" (thankfully it was "unfortunately our outdoor swimming pool will be unavailable during your stay although we still have an indoor one, please don't cancel, please, we love you" not "unfortunately we've double booked your room and you've been bounced and are going to have to find somewhere else to stay and will probably end up about 50 miles away").
- still mostly off Twitter, although I'm checking it once or twice a day for DMs etc.
- still scabby-chested and sore and oozy.
- still alternating between furious and utterly depressed at various political things, especially the continued positioning of the leadership of my party - for fuck's sake, we're against brexit, not against "extreme" brexit, whatever the fuck that is, stop muddying our waters you idiots! [/rant] See also posts from the last week on this blog, including f-locked ones.
- today is Brighouse Festival of Brass aka Brass Band Sunday, a day to strike terror into the hearts of any pub/retail staff who have witnessed the effect it has on Brighouse town centre. I have the choice of having the windows shut and boiling to death, or having the windows open and having Brass Band Music perpetrated on me and interrupting sweet sweet radio 4.

Basically, I'm not doing that great, lads. So, you know, if I'm grumpy or snappy with you, or if I'm not about when you expect me to be about, this is why. I'm not dead, just resting ;)
miss_s_b: (Mood: Miserable Brian :()
I am dangerously low on spoons, I have a bunch of things I'm committed to doing before the end of the month, electoral stuff is particularly pressing (I may be beginning to regret being on regional exec, and chair of Plus, and involved in national stuff too) and daughter is on half term holiday so I have less time to do everything.

I may be a bit absent for the next few days, is my point. And if I do turn up I may be irascible. Just so you all know.

About This Blog

A picture of me with my mum's dog Pippin

Hello! I'm Jennie (known to many as SB, due to my handle, or The Yorksher Gob because of my old blog's name). This blog is my public face; click here for a list of all the other places you can find me on t'interwebs.

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Miss SB by Jennie Rigg is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-No Derivative Works 2.0 UK: England & Wales License.
Based on a work at miss-s-b.dreamwidth.org.

Please note that any and all opinions expressed in this blog are subject to random change at whim my own, and not necessarily representative of my party, or any of the constituent parts thereof (except myself, obviously).

Printed by Dreamwidth Studios, Maryland USA. Promoted by Jennie Rigg, of Brighouse, West Yorkshire.

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