miss_s_b: (Mood: Drama queen)
This morning I woke up at 5.30am. The instant I awoke my brain was bombarding me with all the reasons I am a terrible, worthless person who does not deserve to have anyone's time, attention, or care.

At 7.30am, after two hours of constant berating by my own brain, I sent a message to someone who might reasonably have expected contact from me today that I would probably not be as responsive as usual because my depression was acting up, and that I was planning to throw myself into work to see if that would help at all.

By 10am, still lying in the dark, not even having been able to summon the spoons to go brush my teeth, I realised that throwing myself into work would need me to actually be able to do some work, and turned on the laptop. Of course I could not concentrate on work.

I've managed to get here, typing this blog post, by composing an email entitled "Maybe typing out an email I am too mortified to ever send will help" which contains within it a list of all the things my brain is beating me up about today. A non-exhaustive list of my flaws and failures and inadequacies, all down in black and white. Looking at them like that... I'm not able to convince myself that they're not bad - they are bad; I am bad - but I can convince myself that they're understandable. That anyone could have these issues, that it's not just me who is uniquely and embarrassingly awful. Apart from anything else, looking at the list pricks my sense of the absurd: it's faintly ridiculous that I am letting this consume me instead of doing the ibble words and getting on with something productive.

So NOW I'm going to throw myself at work and see if I stick...

ETA: It's now after noon. Still no work done but have managed breakfast. Baby steps...

ETA 4pm: Have had a bit of good news, which has helped, and a bag of mini cheddars. And have managed some work! YAY!

PSA: Twitter

Tuesday, December 27th, 2016 12:39 pm
miss_s_b: (Mood: Miserable Brian :()
So I said something ill-thought-out on twitter, and it caused an argument with someone I really care about, and I just wanted it all to go away, but it didn't because while I was having the argument lots of other people were joining in on both sides, and the original ill-thought-out-tweet was being retweeted and it's all got too much.

So I've deleted my twitter account, apart from anything else, just to stop people RTing that tweet. I've got 30 days. I may reconsider.

YAY happy birthday to me.

About This Blog

A picture of me with my mum's dog Pippin

Hello! I'm Jennie (known to many as SB, due to my handle, or The Yorksher Gob because of my old blog's name). This blog is my public face; click here for a list of all the other places you can find me on t'interwebs.

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Miss SB by Jennie Rigg is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-No Derivative Works 2.0 UK: England & Wales License.
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